Hi dolphin, just swinging by. As you know I have expressed doubts to you [in the past] about reconciling with spouse while ow is in the picture, and while they still seemed so 'unsure' and uncommitted to reconciliation. BUT you and the experience of others like Holly, GAG and WCW who have slowly rebuilt, have caused me to see that the road back from a long MLC is not simple for them or us. As the guidance tells us [and why re-invent a road map when there is such a good one, that works] they remain confused and unsure for a long time. TMAK's thread, written on by Snodderly is spot on I believe.
I think I used to think it was just like 25 years says
If He is Not clear enough or sure enough or willing enough to be clear enough,
then do you really want to deal with a half a$$ reconciliation?
But now I am much less sure. I think it may be true for adultery and marriage failures where it isn't primarily MLC, but for MLC, which for me still means a major emotional breakdown by the spouse due to unresolved issues, then the way back they take seems so often to be this "half a$$ reconciliation' Whether we are prepared to do this is another question. You are, and I support you in this, because it is working for you. You have been at this a long long time, and I really respect the way you are doing things. Not sure I could, but like I said, that response is about me.
You seem to me to have a positive mental attitude - are recognising that trust is an issue whenever there has been adultery - something we have to deal with, and something the adulterer, if they have half a brain, understands but sadly the emerging MLCer often doesn't have a fully functioning brain!!
Hope you don't mind me adding my pov here - you changed my mind on this. Hugs
