Well, since my other thread was locked I guess it's time to start a new one. I do realize that I post each and every day but I feel I need to. It is my saving grace.
Sometimes I question why I am hanging on, not wanting to give up on our M when it's obvious to me that H isn't interested in a reconciliation. No, he has not brought up D, but we don't talk. Nothing. No emails, text, phone conversations, nothing. It's been this way for over a month now and it is really taking a toll on me. Maybe I should just throw in the towel and file for D myself. Tell him to come and get the rest of his things.
I think I am doing a good job of GAL for myself. Been spending time with kids, friends, and volunteering. I feel like the other areas in my life are flourishing. I've been in C for 5 months now and have made tremendous progress. I don't even feel like the same person I was at the end of 2010.
All I know is I am sick of the pain.
"Everyone you meet has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack." ¤Formerly DelinquentGurl¤
Well, since my other thread was locked I guess it's time to start a new one. I do realize that I post each and every day but I feel I need to. It is my saving grace.
By all means, keep posting. You have to let it out somewhere. Better here I think. Un-biased support. Whether you like it or hate it, it's still a release and free therapy.
Originally Posted By: DelinquentGurl
Sometimes I question why I am hanging on, not wanting to give up on our M when it's obvious to me that H isn't interested in a reconciliation. No, he has not brought up D, but we don't talk. Nothing. No emails, text, phone conversations, nothing. It's been this way for over a month now and it is really taking a toll on me. Maybe I should just throw in the towel and file for D myself. Tell him to come and get the rest of his things.
You've read DR right? It's ok to do things to show yourself in the best possible light. However, when you are truly happy with yourself. It is okay to to let go. It really is DG. There are many Men out there that would love to have a strong , non dependent woman that knows what she wants and who is happy and confident in who she is. The hard part is YOU knowing you are.
Originally Posted By: DelinquentGurl
I think I am doing a good job of GAL for myself. Been spending time with kids, friends, and volunteering. I feel like the other areas in my life are flourishing. I've been in C for 5 months now and have made tremendous progress. I don't even feel like the same person I was at the end of 2010.
All I know is I am sick of the pain.
This is great. I think you found a true and pure way to GAL. You seek help, you do things differently, you look for new ways to be happy. Whatever you do, don't stop bettering yourself. Again, someone out there will love you for who you are.
When you are tired of the pain. You will stand up for yourself. You will feel it and your H will feel it. No matter what, it's all about getting to a place where you can move on regardless of the pain. You just need to know that you there is happiness beyond this crap. There really is.
I agree with Faith^^^ You are doing a *great* job and you are one of the people here I'm rooting for (well, not like I don't root for everyone:).
I think you hang on because in your heart you know it's worth the pain. Though you might *feel* like giving up, that little something inside you knows it's not time yet. I also think that we need to listen to those little cues inside of us, they're wiser than we think. If it's truly time to give up, you'll just *know* it. Not feel it, not rationalize it, just know it.
Hang in there and have an *awesome* weekend!
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
I think for the most part I am, but he has left so technically he is a fool.
I had a great night out last night with some girlfriends. We went and listened to a band and danced and laughed and had a great time. My friends are my family, they are the ones I turn to when I am feeling low. I am blessed to have such amazing people in my life, I really am.
It's going to be a beautiful weekend, and I think the kids & I may go to the amusement park on Monday. That should be a really good time.
"Everyone you meet has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack." ¤Formerly DelinquentGurl¤
DG, I am glad you continue to post. I am a little concerned when I don't see you out here. I also appreciate how you just lay it all out there.
I still maintain that I like your chances as long as your patience isn't completely worn down. I think you're doing a great job.
I know you've heard before it's a marathon, not a sprint. Unfortunately, it's a marathon without mile markers, so you don't know how long it's going to take.
Just know there's a ton of us out here pulling for you and fighting along your side.
jb-thank you so much. I think you are an amazing person and I am thankful for your support and friendship.
This sure is a marathon, that's for sure, but I like your perspective with the lack of mile markers.
Right now I need to focus on my self esteem, and how I can improve it. I want to be able to walk into a room and radiate confidence. I'm not able to do that, and that is one of my goals.
"Everyone you meet has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack." ¤Formerly DelinquentGurl¤
"I want to be able to walk into a room and radiate confidence."
DG, you're closer to achieving that than you think.
I know exactly how you feel; if you read my posts you'll see I have voiced the same sentiments. My W and I are still living together, yet we might say 10 words to each other each day; sometimes, less.
But everyone here is right; it's just not time to end things yet. Our S's are confused, lost, scared - yes, scared - and have no realistic idea of what they are doing to their loved ones or themselves. We need to give them as much time as we can give to let them try to work their way out of the mess they have caused.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
DG, I would recommend reading 2step's latest conversation with his X.
It will indicate how true TM's statement above is, regarding the confusion and fear.
They will never see the sitch like we do. They will only see it like they do. Even if they choose to rec, rebuilding the M (the piecing part) will be a matter of attempting to converge how they see things with how we see things and building a new R and M on mutual goals, on the future... the "solutions based M", as it were...
Move on with your life or GAL and wait. Those are the choices in front of you. No matter what, time keeps ticking...
