Can My Marriage Be Saved?

[JustStunned]

Girl, Trust is built slowly over time by actions. It is not something that can be promised.

Years ago when I was ready (because I asked during an emotional R talk) I was assured how much better I was than OM, a better lover, provider, more caring, more connected emotionally.

I heard these things because; I was ready to hear them; because she showed me again and again they were true. She began attempting to show me how valuable I was to her almost immediately. It took a long time to get there almost a year from the time she ended the A. That was 17 yrs ago. We are where we are now for other reasons.

I know it has been about 5 years since your last A. I suspect mistrust; hurt and guilt have been stewing all this time. The point I am trying to make is it’ll take time, communication and transparency, but mostly time coupled with consistent actions, not words.

Believe half of what you see and none of what you hear

Is true here also he needs reassurance from actions

Words come later to affirm what you both know from consistent actions over time.

Follow your MCs lead. It will be hard, It will be painful for both of you. Both of you will need to believe in the better life at the end of this tunnel. I suspect you’ll both want to quit from the pain of it, from the seeming hopelessness of it; don’t you, he and your R are worth the pain and effort, to you to him to your kids.

I think you should be present, but not following, inclusive, but not pursuing, reassuring, complimentary, but not condescending, available, but not a doormat. Tough? Yes, but you can do this.

I think you are already. Look for little improvements (baby steps). You’re posting them. Stay the course, do what works, have patience, slow progress.