New to the forum.

[Lonely in SLC]

Wow, I can't believe it has been almost two weeks since I last posted. I continue to go through a roller coaster of emotions. Last week I was feeling pretty good, trying to be optimistic and forcing myself to smile and be happy. It was working. I believe my wife was noticing as well, since I started trying the 180, portraying to her that my life will be great no matter what happens.

Then this week comes along and I can't talk or look at her without starting to tear up (cry). I have even tried going dark to get a handle on myself, but it seems we are always in contact regarding kids, selling the house, and finishing up the paperwork for divorce.

The only positive thing is that my wife has past the phase of hating me and being scared of me (I have no idea why she was scared). We are friends. She still does not talk on the phone as much as I would like, but it is a lot more than it was two months ago. Heck, she even went shopping with me for clothes. I have lost 40 lbs since this all started, and none of my pants fit me anymore. It was a good time. Then again, I wonder if I am making things worse by staying away to give her a chance to miss me. I would love the opinion of others.

I am excited about this weekend. My family has a gorgeous cabin in the mountains here in Utah, and we are having a mini family reunion there. I have the kids as well, so it should be a blast. We will probably finish the holiday weekend by going to a park and watching the fireworks on Monday night. Yeah!