Don't know where I am

[angel61]

I too am having one of those days….actually going on 3 days now. I hopped back into H’s roller coaster. We were just fine a week ago before he left for a short trip to attend the funeral of his nephew, since he got back, he has been biting my head off for small stuff. I have been reacting also, instead of just walking away. Its one of those times that I could not STFU.

Knowing what to do and actually doing it are two different things.

I am again finding myself dreaming about walking away, as well. The pain is just too much to bear at times.

I asked H said last night when I asked him why we were not talking again, when last week we were. He said that was how we are now, up and down, up and down (complete with hand motions), and that I should get used to it. I replied saying that it was he who was up and down and I am just here for the ride.

Harrier, I know exactly how you feel. I feel like I am spinning down this vortex into a big black hole of hopelessness and frustration, and I so desperately want to go back to being happy and carefree, the innocence of our marriage when it was unsullied, but I know that it will never be like that again. I have been crying and crying again for 3 straight days now.