I'm having one of "those" days. I really feel like saying "F" this. She doesn't want to work on things, she doesn't want to get over stuff, heck I don't think she's even made her IC appt yet. She wants to tear apart this family....
have at it my good woman.
Fist she sleeps in this morning a little and I have kid duty. I don't mind really. since I don't know when she's getting up. I get the kids breakfast, make their lunches and get their clothes ready. She comes down stairs, then scolds me for "doing too much." The good thing is that she had NO idea I was chapped. I was just as pleasant around her as ever.
So then she's leaving with the kids for work. I'm have to go back into the house to get my keys. She tops and tells me that she will call me later and that she has a full day. then says "let me give you a hug." And does.
It confuses the sh!t out of me. Like the kiss and hug from 2 nights ago. I know you shouldn't read into 1 or 2 things, but really she's been in this pattern for the last week or so.
Yet she doesn't want to work on things and doesn't see me in a romantic light..What gives.
25mlc? anyone?
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
I too am having one of those days….actually going on 3 days now. I hopped back into H’s roller coaster. We were just fine a week ago before he left for a short trip to attend the funeral of his nephew, since he got back, he has been biting my head off for small stuff. I have been reacting also, instead of just walking away. Its one of those times that I could not STFU.
Knowing what to do and actually doing it are two different things.
I am again finding myself dreaming about walking away, as well. The pain is just too much to bear at times.
I asked H said last night when I asked him why we were not talking again, when last week we were. He said that was how we are now, up and down, up and down (complete with hand motions), and that I should get used to it. I replied saying that it was he who was up and down and I am just here for the ride.
Harrier, I know exactly how you feel. I feel like I am spinning down this vortex into a big black hole of hopelessness and frustration, and I so desperately want to go back to being happy and carefree, the innocence of our marriage when it was unsullied, but I know that it will never be like that again. I have been crying and crying again for 3 straight days now.
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
Our recent changes was caused by a trip as well. Prior to that things were going as smooth as possible. then i went on the trip. For the first 3 days my W said she missed me, by then end i made a made a comment like "are you ready to have us back" and she said "no, not really." i knew what she meant but it still stung.
Meanwhile thoughts began to crystallize in her mind - the main one being wanting to live apart. I don't know if she's decided to end things or not (I do have a good idea on how she is leaning)
It's really hard not to think about what my marriage once was only a year or 2 ago. I know that does no good. You can't look forward while you're looking behind.
I'm honestly trying not to react to her. I've kinda taken the avoidance approach. this weekend should be a test though. This week as probably been my toughest since the original bomb. i'm having trouble eating and I seem to cry a lot - to myself though.
I just got off the phone with her and she was telling me about her appt with her psychiarist. Basicaly she gets her ADD perscription from him. I saw him for my depression too. she kinda filled him in on things and told me that she told him we are planning on separating but "we are trying to be optimistic." it was hard not to react to that but I played it cool over the phone.
I been thinking and thinking and I know where my big "F" up was.
I really think we need to go back to MC, but that is on hold for a while.
I'm sorry things are rough for you. I'd love to get to a point where my W would agree tostay together in one house.
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
I do think trips are always tough ones. Just like weekends.
Couple of friends advised me today to just back off. Just like you - take the avoidance route. Gonna be hard, with a 3 day weekend coming up. Hey, lets take a challenge - lets see who can do this for the whole 3 days! Catch up with you on Tuesday.... I will think of you when I feel like opening my mouth to say something.
I am not eating well either - lost 5 lbs this week which I think is good, so I look at the positive side of it ....
At least you both are seeking some kind of professional help. My H seems to think he can go through this without any - and to think me and my H are both doctors. Doctor, heal thyself must be his motto.
Have a good 4th!
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
Are you serious about the poem? I wrote that years and years ago. I think before I even met my W.
I was reading some of my older stuff last night and was surprise to find that it seemed apt now.
Tonight is r-o-u-g-h. I will take your challenge.
I just found out our mini-vaca in August is not going to happen. I hoped for 25mlc type experience.
I can't help but think about not being there for my boys when I move out. It's tough when I see their little face.
I woud love to get in my W's head for a few min...okay maybe not. I know it's not part of dbing. I suspect some tears will flow after my W goes to bed. Is that still allowed?
Good luck with your journey this weekend. Enjoy the fireworks!! (the good kind please)
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
I thought It should update things instead of just lurking in other people's threads.
I mean, *everybody* recognized me. I couldn't even lurk anymore. I'd hear, "Who's that lurking over there? Isn't that Harrier?" (2pts if you get this quote)
Anyways, My weekend was just OK.
I had a backslid on Saturday afternoon. Which my wife was pissed bout. She said "with how things are why would you do that?" I didn't have an answer, but I did say "I'm sorry" which surprisingly had a bigger impact than I thought.
But the damage was done. She said that she didn't even want to go to marriage counseling again, when before the incident she was willing to go at some point. Yet she NEVER told me that. She kinda softened on that stance later and she said that what I did didn't really change anything substantively. She did acknowledge that she was mad and it probably wasn't the best time to push things.
After that things went okay. She worked most of Monday, and left me watching the kids. She was supposed to work only a 1/2 day, but it became a full day. Though annoyed I was pleasant and cheery about the whole thing to her.
We talked a few times about the moving out thing. Sometimes I'm okay with at times...other times I get sad or mad about it. i really think she has no idea of how it will be and how much stress it will create. I think she kinda wants to go back before we were married to get those feelings. I don't think we will see each other as much as she thinks. It will be too painful for me.
I know I should be optimistic and part of me is because I can't see us really splitting up for good, but I have my fears about it. I just wish she'd give MC another shot and get some therapy for her issues as well. She did agree to meet our MC to talk about her rationale for me moving out. He thinks it's a bad idea too.
Her appointment with him is tomorrow morning. I'm nervous about it really. I mean I have no idea what she will say (she did say that she wouldn't' tell him anything she won't talk to me about) I made it clear the the MC that she isn't going to change her mind on the move out. I just don't know what they will say, but he does get her to look at things in a different way.
I mean, it was him who helped my wife get to the point that sleeping in different beds wasn't necessary anymore. Which made her decide to ask me to sleep in the same bed last Dec.
I notice a couple of small things the past few days. I'm trying to just enjoy them instead of reading into them. On Monday, after she got home, she suggest the family go get ice cream. While I was at the drive through paying, my W reached over and rubbed my shoulder. Now she hasn't done this in a long time.
Then last night she asked me if I wanted to hang out with her on the porch while our youngest played outside. We had a pretty good talk about mostly about work stuff - hers and mine. I ended up trying to fix his tricycle. Here I am a highly skilled attorney, working for an hour on a $30 kids bike.
Last night I'm putting our oldest to bed and she comes in and tells me she's going to bed. Says she's sorry we didn't get to hang out. She kisses our son then rubs my hand.
Then before work this morning she again rubs my shoulder before I get in my car.
It strange the last time she started with the hand rub was when she started to open up the affection. I just enjoyed it.
lastly, last night when I come to bed she is sprawled out over the bed. usually when I come to bed, she automatically rolls over to her side (I don't think it's intentional) but last night she just stayed where she was and our feet where touching. She used to do this thing where she would tap my foot with hers when I came to bed as a sign of affection. I did notice she did tap my foot and rub it with hers.
Last night I was lying in bed and felt like a major positive change in her was coming soon - it was almost a spiritual thing. It was probably wishful thinking.
I'm on no time table honestly. For example, I used to keep track of how long between times we ML. Now, I don't.
I'm really trying to just be the best husband/father I can.
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
