Hmmm... Interesting... Certainly chalk this up to "not normal" for me...
Had dream about my W last night. Oddly vivid, I'd say I woke up to it, it was that clear. MIL was also in the dream / scenario.
The most poignant part was regarding my actions of placing objects during the dream based on something that I assumed or my interpretation of instructions. This was then followed by my wife berating me for being completely wrong. My MIL agreed with my W.
My reaction was to shut down and become extremely distant and my W then challenging me on how I could be upset, that I shouldn't be upset.
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My W has indicated many times over the past year how she felt I always needed to be right. I understand how she could feel that way. I am working on presenting my thoughts in ways that are more open.
I've been feeling so beaten up over the past year by my W who would not "allow" me to participate in family outings when I had the opportunity, and regularly indicating, saying, suggesting that our M failure is pretty much all my fault.
I'm just guessing here, of course. I can understand how my W might be compensating the feeling that I am trying to be always right, by trying to now make me always wrong (at fault for our M problems). As mentioned, I can't read minds and this is likely irrelevant for me, anyhow.
So my reaction in my dream of shutting down has become a norm.
I have never been great at conflict, although I feel much less capable or willing to deal with conflict right now. Perhaps a fear of some sort. Worth investigating.
I need to work on being less reactive and more willing to have uncomfortable conversations at the moment. Yes, I understand that's not entirely necessary. But if I'm less reactive, then I will be more comfortable, meaning that I don't have to run away and regroup. Again, neither here nor there, but a good skill to have.
Just need to do it in a way that still allows me to be in life, rather than guarded from life...
