I understand how that can all feel confusing. And you have mentioned a few times about figuring it out.
Again, there is a lot of commentary about your W. Perhaps as a reason to feeling confused? I'm not sure, only you can say.
I find it interesting that it appears when your comments revolve around your wife, you sound confused and your thoughts appear all over the place.
Yet when your comments move inwards about you, they seem to be a lot less confusing... more clear... Maybe staying focused on looking for understanding inside, rather than outside of you is a great place to start unraveling the confusion.
Hopefully your counseling sessions are enlightening and helping things become clear.
