Its my life

[GAL Man]

Journaling 2



I had to call W yesterday regarding issues with the kids as S12 was home alone. I left a vm message to give me a call, didn't say what it was about and she returned my call straight after the meeting she was in finished 15 minutes later. W has always responded to emails, text or missed calls straight way, (before going dark, OK grey) which I find kind of strange if she wanted nothing to do with me.

Towards the end of the convo I did mention to her that I thought she looked tried and that I could see she had lost a lot of weight when I saw her on Monday, W said D14 had told her I had said this already. I said I hope you are eating properly and not just surviving on coffee, cigarettes and wine as I was concerned. Maybe I shouldn't have said I was concerned, but as we hadn't spoke for 2 weeks (when I went dark last), she may have thought I didn't care, esp as I haven't been chasing or asking her or anyone how she is. I suppose that's the point DOH!!!! Beating myself up here! But I wanted to keep the path home smooth and paved if this is what I or W want down the road. I also said that we should communicate better with issues regarding the kids, irrespective of what is going on between us.

W picked up S12 last night, and again I was cool and looking good. W looked good also in a dress (W usually wears trouser suits; think she made an effort after Monday!)

One good thing over the past week or so is that I haven't felt that "knot" in my stomach before I knew I would be speaking to or seeing W. Really have noticed this!

The conversation last Sunday keeps me thinking

Convo (as previously posted)
W - Would you have me back after everything that has happened?
M - Only if we both realise how much work this would take and the effort needed by both of us
W- I wasn't asking if you would take me back, I was just asking
W - I don't think we could get back together

Maybe I should have responded with what I have always said, and said right at the start of this (i.e. I haven't changed in that I don't think our problems are insurmountable as I have said before)

I really want to ask W what she meant by "after everything that has happened"

Neither of us have been with OP (as far as I am aware), we have had no arguments and slanging matches, or run one another down to others, so I am curious. She knows how much she has hurt me (at the beginning I did all the wrong things like most, except the begging) maybe that's what W meant, and the other facts.

Plus why was W "just asking", test the waters? Try and mess me about? Defensive response as I didn't beg her to come back? IDK

As posted elsewhere, maybe she is starting to feel remorse, but doesn't know how to piece things back together, esp as I am not chasing or trying to fix things like I used to (180's here!)

This is my main problem on the detachment side IMHO, trying to look into things, the rest is OK, it's just this bit.

W we next see me on Sunday to drop the kids off, which is our 12th anniversary, but not going to mention it, may use the date to apologise.

W will be joining us on Tuesday next week when I take the kids bowling as this is what D14 wanted for her birthday get together. W seemed uncomfortable on Monday when I bumped into her, let alone spending a couple of hours together, but fun time only with the "old and improved" me, no R talk.