I dont want to sound pathetic but its been 5 days since I have not googled OW. Im hoping that I wont feel the urge so much and it will just become the norm from here on in. I realise that obsessing about OW is giving her power and that is not something that I want to do, though I admit that it is difficult because it feels like H has chosen her over me.
I still ask myself what is it that she has that I dont? Why is he with her and not me? Why is he so confused about what and who he wants? I know I am 10 times the woman she is or ever will be. I am beautiful, funny, smart and loving. I have a beautiful son, a great family and wonderful friends. But I cannot fill the void in my heart. I love my H dearly. I feel he is my true love. Could it be that I am only feeling this way because he abandoned me? and has chosen to be with someone else? Is it that trivial?
Its been a little over 3 months since we seperated. In the first month he told me he was done. We were through. He was happy. The happiest hed ever been.
Now he has said he doesnt know what he wants. He is confused about life and where he is headed. He has quite his job and is "extricating himself from a difficult situation". I want so much to believe this. He took baby steps. Told me he hadnt ruled out reconciling. The following week he told me he "hoped we could work it out". But in the same breath said he needed time to "sort his sh!t out".
But he is still with OW. And I feel like we are going backwards. No forward movements. No phone calls or making plans to spend more time together.
Am I being impatient?
W - 31 H - 33 Married - 7 years Together - 10 yrs Kids - S 3yrs old Separated - 27/03/11 OW - 10/04/11
