Basically, it comes down to be extremely disappointed in my W for not being stronger about being able to be alone and for not taking our S as a time to work on herself as I feel that I have.
This is very understandable that you feel that way and very common, even with folks who are piecing. But it isn't realistic. You have the benefit of DBers to help coach you to work on yourself. Your wife is not remotely in the same place you are--and that's ok. Her timeframe is completely different from yours and it may be years before you are in sync. That's ok, too. It doesn't mean you can't build your relationship and grow your love.
If you were exactly alike, you wouldn't need or want each other. You would be redundant.
