How many times that I wished for a phonecall a simple text.
Something!! Anything!!!
And now she misses my voice??
NO
Not fair.
My emotions count also
My feelings matter
I was NOT a bastard in my M
I made mistakes sure.
Plenty of mistakes but divorce was not an option
She was not perfect she was not a perfect woman she was good but not perfect and neither was I.
But damn it I never bailed!! I never walked! I stood!! Against all odds I stood. I put myself In huge debt trying to save a M that was not worth saving!
But damn it I never bailed!! I never walked! I stood!! Against all odds I stood. I put myself In huge debt trying to save a M that was not worth saving!
But I stood!!!
Now she misses my voice??????
2step, My heart goes out to you. I think you are putting into words an element of this experience that many of us are having.
I don't know what to say otherwise - communication is such an issue sometimes - you want to speak from the best in you, and yet when something like this happens - what to say?
Silence?
I'm sure there is an appropriate response that comes from the best in you. Give yourself the time to find it.
M: 32 W: 29 T: 9 Years M: 4 Years I hit rock bottom: 2/11 PA admitted: 4/11 WAW: 5/11 D filed: 6/11 now: Patience, wisdom, and growth - hopefully.
How many times that I wished for a phonecall a simple text.
Something!! Anything!!!
And now she misses my voice??
NO
Not fair.
My emotions count also
My feelings matter
I was NOT a bastard in my M
I made mistakes sure.
Plenty of mistakes but divorce was not an option
She was not perfect she was not a perfect woman she was good but not perfect and neither was I.
But damn it I never bailed!! I never walked! I stood!! Against all odds I stood. I put myself In huge debt trying to save a M that was not worth saving!
But I stood!!!
Now she misses my voice??????
I quoted your whole post 2.
This is the turning point in how you perceive your sitch.
You have carried the heavy load all this long while and have excorcised your demons and laid your soul bare.
Time for her to work a little?
Maybe?
I am not saying set up flaming hoops for her to jump through like a poodle in a circus.(borrowed this from J3B)
You are divorced yes?
She misses your voice?
Well what is she going to do about it?
Will she know she really wants it if you hand her what she wants on a silver platter with some blue cheese and celery?
You have come a long with your detachment and moving forward.
Under what circumstances do you risk that?
She will surely test you along the way.
There is and will always be a degree of regret or confusion on her part IMO.
What is THAT ^^^ or REAL desire to reconcile?
How will you know that? What does it look and feel like?
She misses your voice?
Nostalgia? Regret? Memory and longing of the 2step gone by?
Don't risk yourself or your D to anything short of your heart knowing the answer to these questions.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
its interesting. and this is just my opinion/observation
this is what the WAS wanted. and now that she/they get it, they want what they left behind.
its a bit insulting that they think its still available.
last week i got the 'lets change the visitation schedule so D has more consistency' --- completely forgetting any inconsistencies in D's life were predicated on the x's need for a divorce. i've remained completely consistent, same house, same car, same job. while she is now moving her for the second time in 2 years, new schools away from all her friends in daycare, etc.
it would be emotionally satisfying, and against all you've learned here, to respond with "i'm sorry you feel that way, but this is what you wanted"
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
How many times that I wished for a phonecall a simple text.
Something!! Anything!!!
And now she misses my voice??
NO
That is what no contact gets you. That is why it is such a powerful tool.
Originally Posted By: 2stepboogie
Not fair.
My emotions count also
My feelings matter
They do. And you are entitled to your feelings.
Originally Posted By: 2stepboogie
But damn it I never bailed!! I never walked! I stood!! Against all odds I stood. I put myself In huge debt trying to save a M that was not worth saving!
It was worth trying. Otherwise it wouldn't be a marriage. Because when tested, you knew the kind of commitment you wanted. And we have to stand for our marriages or suffer the guilt and remorse later.
Originally Posted By: 2stepboogie
Now she misses my voice??????
They have to go before they can miss anything. They have to go further than we want them to. It's their journey as much as it is ours.
Relationships are always a tricky balance of self and couple. There has to be commitment with room for growth and individual responsibility. There is sometimes a fine line between inter-dependence and co-dependence, except the one is healthy and the other is not. People who are healthy don't leave their marriages. Depressed people, miserable people, people with poor coping mechanisms and poor relationship skills do. Unfortunately we all were in relationships that fell into some kind of toxic pattern and didn't recognize it or know how to fix it fast enough.
We don't get control over the other people in our lives though. We get influence, but not control. We all make mistakes. We make the best decisions we know how with the information that we have at the time. She lost hope. She believes it can't be fixed. She believes D was the only answer. We know she's not right, but that doesn't change what she believes. And word never convince the WASs.
Silence tells her everything that words cannot. Silence is an action. Silence is probably your best response to most of what she'll do to get a reaction out of you.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Ok I want to thank my crack team of posters for their feedback I read every post but I've been crazy busy so tonight I'll come back and update everyone. I'm taking the kids to see Transformers 3 but we talked for over 3 hours today.
"D has been through a lot with everything that has happened. In the best interest of D, I don't feel like it is a good idea for her to see you."
Almost 100% disagreement here...sorry...but
ask your daughter how SHE feels! You say that d's already been abandoned but if your stbxw wants to reconnect,
maybe it's a good thing...maybe it's better than NOT reconnecting w/her?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
