So H signed the lease on his new place tonight. I congratulated him and wished him all the best. I'm so empty right now. Its like there is nothing left inside of me. When he came to see the kids earlier, he told me - we were outside, and I had sunglasses on, but my eyes welled up and i just couldn't help it. I'm sure he saw a few tears. I just can't stop myself sometimes. How do you tell your emotions to f-off and force yourself not to cry. Honestly other than our big divorce talk last week, he really hasn't caught me crying much lately. I try so hard not to let him see me get upset, but there are certain things that just bring me back to the reality that our lives will never be the same. I am dreading him actually moving all his stuff out. Just when I think I can't feel any worse... I just think back to all our years together, and even at the worst of times (which I don't think were all that horrible), I used to think, okay this is just a tough time, we'll get through it - we belong together and we love each other to death. Its so painful to know that he can just throw away everything and walk away. And I know the ONLY way he would do that (because he IS a good man) is if he truly felt no love for me anymore. That stings more than anything.
