New - HELP! Tried the 180/Last Resort & Failed

[25yearsmlc]

Me thinks you are getting this!!!...


You don't need my approval

but hey, if it makes you happy, YOU HAVE IT!!


You have grown already. You have changed already. SEE THIS!!!

IT'S CALLED "PROGRESS"!!!!

I will have to ponder your response to his "concern" for the biking. He probably IS concerned...and guilt ridden...but so what? Do we care? Hmmm...(rhetorical)

Get the money into a new account, if he still has access to it.

If he asks about it, TELL HIM you put it into an interest bearing account or something...or bought a car which you frickin need AND PLUS, AS HE SO WISELY (PARENTALLY) REMINDED YOU

THE BIKE IS NOT SO SAFE...

and you are a grown woman, not a kid biking to his baseball game.

If the bike works for you, great & so be it. I mean, you do save money and you get exercise

but if you are like most of us, a car is needed for everyday life.

I wish I could bike to more places in my every day life, but it's not very practical.

If I put some thought into it, about 15% of the places I go could use a bike.

And that's it.

But I live in the suburbs of a large city. Don't know your sitch.

Anyhow, does your job offer ANY benefits? When you get a job that does, you know to get some insurance and you'll see a c or T? Good.

Can you hang with your sister? Meeting new peeps?

You can definitely choose an activity that involves meeting new people. That will do more for you than you know. Please do that ONE Thing if nothing else...meet new people. (Not in bars, but in good healthy places like class or work or a hobby centered activity.)

Also, remember that you are not alone in this situation.

I'm SO not making light of your pain but keep in mind how often this happens every day. Most of us have had our hearts broken.

Mine was first broken when I was 16 y/o and believe it or not, I still recall the nightmare that was for me. He was my first love and it was deep for that age. In fact, h was my next serious love although I dated a lot. Back when I was 15 and bf cheated on me, I had MONTHS of feeling so bad it was horrible. And I was popular and had a ton of friends and activities and other boys to date. But it hit me HARD...

So when h and I had our crisis, I actually had a little bit of relevant experience to go back to, as long ago as it was. I "knew" I had felt bad before, and I knew that there's no such thing as "one" soul mate.

This matters, b/c you have NOT had that chance/experience since you met bf so early.

So you are "behind" in the sense that you literally have no experience in getting through this.

Intellectually you are ahead of a typical 16 y/o and you "know" that there are other men in the world and you WILL date again, IF YOU WANT TO...

but emotionally, you are Not familiar with this process. I get that. That's one reason why we are here helping you.

We know you can get through this and you will when you figure out HOW TO.

Today I saw an article on yahoo about "ways to get over your ex". One thing that came to mind was how many people are in your shoes right now.
I recall thinking when h and I were in our crisis and I felt SO BAD

that "so many people are walking around WOUNDED, how do they all get through it?" But they do...and we do...and you will too.

Today I was reminded of how, (for lack of a better word)

"Luxurious" it is, for us to have this as the worst problem in our life.

A man broke up with you. He's with OW now...okay...

So, are you physically healthy?

Do you have shelter over your head?

Is there food in your yard/ refrigerator? (do you have a refrigerator? With electricity? and FOOD in it?)

Do you have a job at all?
Are you literate?

If the answers to these questions are ALL "YES", you are luckier than most women in the world.

Is there anyone stopping you from worshipping the way you want?

Is there anyone trying to rape or kill you? Anyone trying to rob you?

Anyone using a machete to kill your neighbors and looking for you, b/c you are not in the "right" tribe?

If the answers to all these questions is "no", you are lucky indeed.

More than 90% of women in this world, cannot say "no" to these questions.

And if you add in the fact that you are intelligent and getting educated and

you can work or live where you want, and worship if and how you want,

in the grand scheme of things, you and I are SO VERY LUCKY to be in our lives.


I realized this one night when I was hospitalized, pregnant with first d.

I was feeling physically miserable, (hence being in the hospital) and felt sorry for myself, to put it bluntly.

I Felt fat, ( I WAS FAT, well, pregnantm but still,) and the combination of hormones and sickness and worry and my job, and how I felt I looked, and our son at home not getting enough attention, or so I felt, were all taking a toll.

Right at the nadir of my time there, I Looked out at a full moon, and really "saw" it. Then I realized a LOT of women in the world at that moment, were also pregnant and

they could see that very moon at the same time.

For some reason the image of a pregnant woman in the jungle came to me, and I realized how so few of the women out there, were in a western hospital, giving birth with a medical doctor delivering the baby,

with the father of the child alive and well and

Not missing, wounded or dead...or being hunted...

and that we had a home, with food in our electric refrigerator
and we'd have food in it the next day and the next...

and we had our freedom and our future.

As basic as this is, as simple as it all is, it is, globally speaking,
a rare thing.

That is still the truth of the matter.

It's wrong to deny other's suffering b/c when I really got down to it

I was a bit out of line to feel sorry for myself,

in the grand scheme of things.

I don't want to minimize your pain. But I do want to give you some perspective.

Hope it helps.

You are braver than you know and stronger than you think.

And you are getting stronger, and you are learning a lot as time passes.

May not make it all "worth it" but hey, it does get better.

You are getting better.