she said that we just argue when we talk and such. To which I told her we don't.
You said you don't know what the problem is, but I think you don't want to really know.
You don't have a plan. You haven't set any goals. You don't GAL.
You say she's BP, but you post as if you're expecting her to be completely rational and emotionally mature. She doesn't even have to try to manipulate you.....she can tell you she wants you to take her to the movies, and you agree, and in the same sentence tell you she doesn't want to go, and you agree. "This" makes you appear to be the one on a roller coaster!
As with any WAW, she is looking for something to make her happy. She doesn't feel romantic love in the M. I believe there is tons of co-dependency on both side, and you won't find peace or happiness as long as that continues.
She is looking for a strong, confident, attractive man. She is not seeing that in you. You said you appreciated some blunt statements, so let me be blunt with you. If her words can make you want to cow down in some corner of the room and lick your wounds, you will not be the man she needs nor wants. That type of mental attitude makes a man very weak, and it is the opposite of attraction.
She needs a man who is stronger than she is. At one time, when you were teaching her how to drive, etc., she thought you were stronger.... maybe knew more than her or had more experience.... and had self-confidence. These are attractive in men. She wants to be romanced, and hear words that make her feel good about herself. She probably wants to do things that are fun, different, change the menu once in a while. At some point in the MR, that stopped. Whatever is her love language stopped, too.
I may be wasting my time, but I hope you will digest something. Stop talking to her. Turn the phone off. I know that's hard for most people....but people got along without all the TM in the past, and frankly, I see too much co-dependent ways in these couples that have to TM xxx times a day. So, turn it off, get a new email account so you won't see her emails (b/c I don't think you can control your reaction to whatever she says). Unfriend her on your FB (as jr. high as that may sound).
Why am I telling you to do this? B/c you need to stay away from her and work on yourself. She needs to be away from you. That has already been explained why it is necessary.
You must have a plan of action! You must have goals for your life. Don't make goals about her. These goals must be about you, and make goals that do not have to include her in your life.
I'm not trying to make you feel worse. I'm trying to get you to to see through your own fog. Become a man you like. Live your life so you can be happy. Get your sight off of her! Don't contact her brother b/c it's very obvious he doesn't care what she does, since she pays rent!
If you will back away from her, and not fall into old patterns, then I believe she would be begging to go back to you. Or....you can continue the way you've been doing.....and be miserable for a very long time.
Wake up, rise up, and look up. After you work toward being the best "you" possible, you may or may not want to open the phone lines again.
(hugs)
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
