New - HELP! Tried the 180/Last Resort & Failed

[25yearsmlc]

Hi 25years,

I followed the rules. Boy did I look cute (short-shorts, scoop neck t-shirt, new lipstick, 'good hair' day). No mention of it from Ex-P though he said I've lost a lot of weight.


GLad you followed the rules AND HE DID NOTICE...he only commented on the weight but trust me HE NOTICED IT ALL AND REMEMBER NOT TO HAVE EXPECTATIONS okay? Seriously...you have to let those go.




He looked handsome as heck (I said nothing).

GOOD^^^

He kept on saying how good I was doing.

GOOD!!!


No doubt he remembers that before I discovered DBing, I did everything wrong (crying, begging, claiming I couldn't live without him, etc.) and he was surprised I was holding it together so well now.

EXCELLENT...SERIOUSLY...


He offered me a hug before leaving and I accepted, he gave me two. He said, "It was good seeing you, keep up the good work."

In some ways, it went extremely well. Try to see that.



It was all SO PARENTAL and so detached...like we had never been a couple - like I was a child he was leaving at summer camp.

Maybe yes, maybe no. Don't mind read so much.


He was calling me by his nickname for me throughout, and when he left I said, "goodbye [nickname for Ex-P]" then he looked kinda sad. I don't know whether he was pitying me, worrying about me (he said he worries so much),

Don't mind read. It's self inflicted pain when you make it negative.


or was just surprised I used his nickname - but it just slipped out because it had been a comfortable encounter.

I said I would see him again when the house sold. He said, "maybe I'll see you before then." I doubt it.

Next time, don't say anything about when you'll see him again. Assume you won't as far as when you are around him.


That was it. During our brief encounter I mentioned my mother was visiting over an upcoming weekend. He said "what's the occasion?" I said, "My birthday." He sighed a long, guilty sigh but I stayed upbeat.


good for you!


He also mentioned his trip to meet OW's extended family was canceled, I just said, "oh".

good for you again.^^^


That was it. He acted as though he was his old self: friendly, helpful, concerned for my well-being, etc., it's just that he is in love with someone else and never was with me.

So depressing. He will never see me any other way than as a "friend", almost like a kid brother or something.

You are taking a great encounter with him making comments to you (never mind all the things he wondered)

and turning it into a bad "sad" depressing event. WHY??

Why do you do this to yourself?

it's called "stinking thinking"...knock that off.

I could take 'glamor shots' of myself in lingerie and he STILL wouldn't see me that way. How can I change this perception of myself? I feel like I can't - and that is why he left me.

This attitude is YOUR PROBLEM, Not his...only you can change you and you CAN change you.



By the way, he set up an "emergency account" for me with 5K. I said, "I don't intend on using it." He said, "use it." I felt I was being bought off.

Can't ALL ex wives say this? Never mind, you need the money so take it and put it into an account he has NO access to. OW will find out and take it and justify that her son needs it and then you'll end up where???


At the bank, he was extremely agitated and paranoid -----he could have trusted me enough to give me the money no strings attached). He was paranoid about the bank sending emails to his account and OW finding out. Even though they have only known each other a few months (supposedly), she certainly keeps financial tabs on him.


See my comment above. Get the money & put it somewhere safe for YOU.

Sigh, I miss him. I miss my best friend. I miss the life we had. Mostly, I miss spending time together.

well that's all the more reason to GAL and meet new people. We've all been there and you can get thru this.