Tonight I volunteered again, and had a great time. I made dinner, and then played a board game with the residents afterwards. I cannot explain to you how much this feeds my soul. I consider it an honor and a privilege to serve these people. I am looking forward to next month.
Faith- I am borderline OCD and have always been that way, but I know a large part of it has to do with my insecurity. I'm trying to work on it though.
"Everyone you meet has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack." ¤Formerly DelinquentGurl¤
i also looked at phone records. and emails. and ezpass. and what not.
it was an obsession. stopping was the best thing i could do. 2 years after the D and i still get pangs that push me to go and look again. its a tough habit to break.
the same goes for your mind. what you choose to think about becomes habit.
be careful what you fill your thoughts with, because there will be times you dont want to think them, but they'll be the mind's habit.
and you will need to actively force those thoughts out of your head, and they will keep coming back as soon as you relax.
it will be a habit to think of the situation, the wrongs, the lies, etc. and breaking your minds habit is harder than breaking the phone habit.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
I would say you're pretty normal. Most of us have done it one time or another. Tomorrow you have another chance to not do it. Don't beat yourself up over it. That unrecognized number should you remind you why you want to quit doing it - because it makes you feel crappy. Just learn from your mistake and move on.
So what was different that inspired you to cave? Can you write down what you are thinking before you decide to check? Maybe there is something that keeps recurring and you don't take the time to question that idea before you choose to act on it. Slow things down and maybe you'll find yourself choosing differently.
Progress is rarely a straight upwards line, so hang in there.
M: 32 W: 29 T: 9 Years M: 4 Years I hit rock bottom: 2/11 PA admitted: 4/11 WAW: 5/11 D filed: 6/11 now: Patience, wisdom, and growth - hopefully.
I'm trying not to beat myself up too much about it. I admit, I'm really struggling. I miss my H so much, and this NC is very hard on me. I don't know how some of you can go months without speaking to your spouses. I haven't heard his voice in almost 6 weeks.
I broke down today and sent him a text and simply said "I miss you" but didn't get a response. At what point do I just throw in the towel and realize it's finished?
"Everyone you meet has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack." ¤Formerly DelinquentGurl¤
