What’s coming across here is that she doesn’t have realistic expectations. To actually want to transform you is unreasonable, and to set standards for you and elaborate on how you don’t meet the mark is discounting your real worth. You shouldn't have to be an alpha male or alpha female to get some say in your life. Good alphas take their pack into consideration; it's part of the responsibility of being an alpha.
I love strong women (being one myself) and there’s nothing wrong with one person having a more dominant personality in the relationship, but it sounds to me like she’s not taking you into consideration at all.
This could be because she feels like she’s been neglected for so long that she’s disengaged, in which case you could do more to share things with her like working on the house. That may be hard, since you are the primary breadwinner, but it’s doable. She may also respond to your appreciation of the work she’s done or even just sharing ideas (i.e. establishing intimacy). Perhaps you should read The Five Love Languages. It’s a good book about how to show you care in a way that the other person will truly understand.
Sadly, her lack of consideration could also be that she’s one of those people who lacks empathy and she simply doesn’t care what you think or want, in which case trying to create intimacy with her could make more frustration and misery for you than it would solve problems. It is a little disconcerting that the two of you are competing with one another.
If you want to stick it out the two years for your daughter to get into high school, that’s up to you. You understand that situation better than I. (My knowledge of the Swedish educational system is 20 years old and second hand.) Would there be a stigma of divorce that could affect her or are you more concerned about derailing her academically with a family drama?
Even if you decide to try building more intimacy and less competition with your wife you still ought to GAL. Got any ideas?
BTW, Psychology Today in its October 2010 issue (www.psychologytoday.com). It’s called Revenge of the Introvert. It’s about differences between introverts and extroverts, and why the stigma of being an introvert isn’t warranted.
