The big punch - Redux

[Redo]

Does she have to change...? Or is there possibly another (other) option...?

As this: If you change to be a better man, is it possible that your changes and the person she is may actually match more closely and the two of you may simply converge back to M...?

Very good point KD. Maybe there is a better way to put it than saying that i will not take her back if she does not change.

Through out our marriage i was the only person who was tasked with changing myself. As i said, i was very immature in my thinking that i did not realize that in a marriage, both partners need to make changes for the other. Instead i thought that i could make changes for the both of us. Very bad. Because everytime i tried that it kept backfiring. In reality that does not work. At that time i was driven by fear. Now i realize where i went wrong. I set no boundaries. I was passive aggressive. When wife crossed them, i did not discuss them maturely with her and instead kept bottling them inside and withdrew. It did no good.

So when i say that wife needs to change, it is because only then our relationship can flourish. If wife came back with the same attitude she has now where she feels that i am the cause for all her pains, and if we got back, we would not last long. Nope, all I want her to understand is that she needs to be my partner and help me to make her happy and in the same way, i help her to make me happy. And there are lots of fine details in that statement. I just don't want her to think that bailing out is the solution.