Very little of this matters NOW. I eventually used the word "assault" b/c I assumed there'd be some facts in dispute.
But they're not relevant NOW...
She's clear NOW that she wants out.
So let her go, (which means letting IT, the "A" go). Letting go of all the endless unanswerable questions you still have, that are never going to satisfy or pacify you...really SHE may not know the answers and even if she did, what could possibly assauge your anger about it? You are here b/c at its' core your anger remains "unmanaged".
I suggest you stop obsessing about the assault or it's details or who knew what when. I'm glad you see how uncool it was to tell the kids.
But Stop wallowing in the past, yours or hers...
Work on your anger and stop the focussing on her or the allocation of blame. ("80%" you... Who keeps a scorecard this long?)
If you want happiness or peace, you must let the scorecard go.
Work on YOU and only you. That's the beginning of change and healing.
Look forward not backwards.
You cannot swim to the other side if you keep looking back
over your shoulder.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I was thinking the last couple days, that STBX really only has made it clear that she 100% wants out now. This is the first time that her words and actions have shown that. Maybe she is just done playing with me. The good part of that is that I seem to have been pushed into acceptance - which in turn has caused me to look at the sad reality of what our marriage was for the last 7-8 years that we were still together. I was an angry, jealous, spying man who was only surface happy. STBX was a conflcted woman in love with two men who felt trapped and wasn't even surface happy.
That's certainly not what anyone would hope for. Yes, we both still love each other even now. But, as I've seen quoted here before, sometimes love just isn't enough.
I think I do. She stayed for years while wanting to be with OM, but that night was what made her leave months later, unable to return and accept that divorce is the only solution for us? I can accept that. Although, as a close friend of ours said, "if it wasn't that it would have been something else".
Actually... I was thinking more along the lines of...
She's done punishing (abusing) you.
Really? Really? What do you consider punishing me? When she talks about that night? Or was she punishing me when even after she was openly (other than to me) with OM/Boss she was still flirting with me, going to the concert, telling me how hot I look, and even suggesting she would go on vacation with me? I know...I know...I am not supposed to care at this point. But I do. I may never "move on" until I understand at least, a little of the past.
