Holding, Hopeful, but Realistic

[ericmsant2]

MLC,

Honestly, I have to say your reactions to your W's MLC were a train wreck which made you your own worst enemy.

This is an understatement….train wreck doesn’t really describe it. I was thinking more along the line of a catastrophe.

You apparently finally learned to stop working against yourself and are now apparently much stronger for the experience.

Actually, I think the strength was always there..I finally allowed it to shine through. You will see what I mean IF you read my entire thread.

Do you think you were going thru a bit of your own MLC in the process, or were just subconciously mirroring her behaviour?

Interesting observation…Honestly, I think I may have had my own crisis prior to hers and believe that hers just may have snapped me out of mine OR forced me to really look at myself.

Somehow you figure I still don't "get" it?

Actually, I do not feel that way. I only providing my experiences….Everyone of us is different and each sitch is different.

Believe me, I get the general concepts, but admit I am still learning everyday about myself and my sitch.

The learning about yourself piece…I think is a life long journey. For me, the biggest issues to face were being honest with MYSELF…Someone I know once gave me an interesting perspective on this. We often say that we need to look in the mirror at ourselves, which is true and this in and of itself, is hard BUT The harder thing to do though or the real “work”….is being able to CONSISTENTLY hold that mirror up.

However, I'm sure there is much I can still learn by taking the time to read your entire thread, and I promise I will.

Everyone learns at a different pace buddy….take your time.

My W's MLC has been much more low-grade compared to your W's. Therefore, my reactions have been more subdued, less emotional, and have allowed me time to think instead of just being angry all the time. Another difference is her basically giving me 100% custody of the kids, while not pressuring them to stay or even come to dinner on a regular basis. She is trying, but she just does not want to create ill will by forcing them.

I think her approach will eventually gain her success, as she continues to be a very good mom whenever in their presence.

Are you saying that she is not a good mom when she is not in their presence?

What is success to you as it relates to parenting the kids? What do you want to see?

However, she will likely always have issues if she tries to integrate OM into their lives.

1) Likely is not “always” – my point is…she could probably say the same about YOU i.e. he will never change, blah, blah, blah. Do not underestimate her. Better yet….why do YOU underestimate her (that is if you feel you are)?

2) How the integration works is in some ways NOT up to you. How you deal with it and what you show your kids is.

Honestly, I am more interested in the journey at this point, and not the end destination.

How so?

I choose to make this as positive as possible, but realize I am fortunate on many levels in that circumstances make it easier for me to focus on the positive.

A good mindset to have….my only comment would be that it is NOT just “circumstances” as much as it may be a person’s POV or as DB would suggest “how you look at it”.

Good luck to you on your journey Eric.

God Bless,
Eric