Man KP, just soo similar and relate completely. Where I'm at now is dark/dim. I say dim because it's just very difficult to be completely dark, which would be nice, but can't/won't be dark with the kids. See them 3+ times per week and still hurts seeing that I was around more than wife for them before the sep.
So, I struggle with that a lot. Really do want us back but not when she's under this spell, ya know? Sandi on here, indicated on another thread of mine that WAW is on a mission and I will get rolled over if continuing to plead my case, etc..all the mistakes we LBS folks make before attempting to go dark.
W just has all this momentum going the other way..new house, bank acct, the list goes on and on. Next week is our first court appearance (pre-trial). I really can't think of anything but to focus on me and the kids is the game plan now and to keep surrendering to my higher power for guidance and intercession.
Letting her go..so hard. Like many on here feel-letting go may just push her farther. Too soon to tell but feel the clock ticking as D is filed. I have been GAL more: out to wedding's as "the hot cousin who's going through a divorce" is how they introduced me last week, lol. Also, hittin' the gym again, walks, looking for more work, 180's, looking my best, and trying to be as cordial possible when in brief presence with w. Just saw her today at D1 orthodontist consult and took all the kids afterward for a few hours. W just looks smokin' hot right now, it's killing me!! Dam!@ it's killing me.....
Even though, I have made "the shift" I am human and do miss her and our family. I keep disecting the sitch and wonder what is this all trying to tell/teach me? What do I do with this? I know it's all for a reason and I have read-"you can't really begin to live until your life is shattered"...well?? Do you believe in miracles?
