Just thought I'd give everyone another update. The move went surprisingly smoothly with no fights and lots of togetherness and excitement. We decided to take a 7 day vacation enroute. It has been alot of fun except for some issues.
I'll start first by saying that our level of togetherness and intimacy is way up. She's even back to wearing her wedding ring on a daily basis.
My only issue is that I can tell she is back to bottling. We should have had 3 or 4 major fights by now but she has avoided them. I know she hasn't let them go. Additionally we haven't ml since the last time I mentioned it here. She has had a continous period for months now and uses it to avoid any chance of ml. That and twice she tried to use withholding sex as a punishment for minor transgressions. (which to me means nothing as I don't expect to get any while she still has a period, which now has lasted for MONTHS). She wants to see a doc as soon as we settle down. I know her well enough to know all this is stress induced. I'll save that for another entry.
Finally we had a couple of fights over money. We are getting to the point where we completely blow the budget. Every time I try to let her know she gets upset, and says she hates asking for permission to buy the things she wants. Then she starts talking about how she wants to make her own money, the eventually mentions that porn is the answer for money. She then sees me get upset, and gets mad at me saying that we are on vacation and shouldnt think of such things! The nerve, then why say something so hurtful! Yesterday over dinner she saw that I was worried about our finances so she said. Don't worry I already decided I will do porn to help pay for the bills. I told her that's not what I wanted. She insisted we not discuss it then, we both tried dropping it but she can tell I was upset. She said "I'm only doing it because its the only thing I can do to help." and that she hated seeing me worry me about money so she wanted some easy cash. I told her that it would stress me out more if she was doing that for money, and I'd rather have the stress of financial burden than that. She then said she wanted to do it so "she can do something with her life". I told her that was unacceptable to me. She then said "were getting divorced aren't we?". I told her no, but she needed to stop saying she was going to do porn. I then manned up and told her that i felt like I couldn't be honest and tell her no to spending, because the first thing she would do was threaten me with porn, and I felt that all she cared about was having spending money. Even at the expense of me getting hurt. At this moment she got upset and asked me to drop the conversation "for the sake of dinner". I did, but I guess I was still visibly upset, because about a minute later she said "look the whole porn thing was just an idea, I don't know yet" I figured that's her way of taking back what she said so I allowed myself to calm down. In an earlier fight she got upset because I tried telling her she had spent enough. She got upset and told me she didn't like feeling like she had to ask me permission, and that she was going to get a job. I told her she knew I would let her. She then got very upset saying how dare I "let" her. Clearly her control issues are coming back. Once again this argument lasted a few minutes then she tried acting like nothing happened.
So in summary, she has been trying very hard to avoid fights. This is both good and bad since things have been much more pleasant. On the other hand I am smart enough now to know when she is bottling. She has done a lot of that in the last three days. Which is good out of 9 I guess. I just need to be careful. We still have a lot of work to do. Specially when it comes to her feeling independent and fulfilled.
As I write this things are happy again in the little hotel room we are calling home, but I am at least smart enough this time to know what happened was a relapse and that certain issues need to be addressed soon.
