Don't know where I am

[angel61]

I think I know what she means. My H once said the same thing too - that with us talking about the R and everything seemingly spiraling downward, we had a greater chance of saving good memories if we split up at that point in time, even if it meant that he (we) would lose everything.

What does this mean for you? It just points out that whatever it is that you are doing is not working. You have to find a way to get out of that downward spiral.

For me, it meant STFU ing. Stop all R talks, because there was no use to it anyway, we could not find common ground, or talk my H into committing to fix the M, or plan any action even.

I let him take the lead with regards to any action (its his problem anyway).If I find myself wanting out, sick and tired, whatever I just stay in my office till he is asleep so I dpn't open my big mouth.

So 4 months after our last major R talk, we are still together. There were some small outbursts, one spurred by my snooping, but no action taken.

I can't say that we are taking steps towards R, but at least I do feel that the downward slidfe has halted.He even once said that he felt that with our present situation, he will consider staying, then a couple of days after that, in the idst of a fight, he suddenly said that I should not worry, he will honor his vows as well and stay married to me. Didn't argue any longer and again, just decided to STFU. A friend of mine said that the bigger deal you make of it the bigger deal it is.

As they say, the fate of the M really depends on the LBS. Maybe next time your W brings up R talk just tell her you are not ready to talk about anything. You already know enough.