Jack - I think possibly that what people sometimes mean by answers is an aid to closure, and it is nice to have that.
You got back together with your wife, and I have forgotten, if I ever knew, how long you were apart. But people who reconcile perhaps have a different dynamic when they post.
Many of us live a long time with a gaping wound while our formerly loving spouses flounder around. And a long marriage does leave a gaping wound, which takes time to heal, however much you work on yourself. It does heal in time, but it is painful for a long time.
Some answers do come eventually [see Hearts Blessing for example] and imo they help, particularly if you do not reconcile. What we have to recognise is that we many times do not get answers, and we have to learn to live without them, but they are nice when they come. Or have been in my case.
Of course we all die with unanswered questions, but is that truly a helpful reply? In the course of quite a long life I have learned that if you wait quietly answers may come, and they helped me.
I would certainly not encourage anyone to sit around and simply wait, but I am not certain that the questions we ask are unimportant. That seems to me to slightly trivialise what we are going through or have been through. As you say in your bye line - 'you learn' and that surely is a major part of all the pain and suffering: what we learn.
