Fool me once, Shame on ME

[Denver_2010]

You could fake it...

Well you know, if it's enough already and you just wanna get some sleep

Nice Seinfeld reference CS!! Oh, and by the way, I've faked it 9... I would definitely consider that.

Hilarious... this thread has given me a good chuckle this afternoon. Thanks guys.

Denver

[Denver_2010]

Thanks 2 step. Hearing it from you certainly gives some creedence as I know you have your head on straight with values and morals.

You are right as well LP. Its almost like Im trying to justify what im doing like im doing something wrong.

Not to get too personel but since this is anonymous to some degree. I could not finish the deal again if you know what I mean. Dont want to put a time on it but I could have watched a period or two of hockey. That concerns me. With my W, I was a normal timed guy in the bedroom but now , Its Ron Jeremy territory. In the end , I just didnt which made her feel bad.
( Sorry if Im getting too personel here, Im not seeing a coucniler anymore and just wondering if there is insight)
Could it be guilt that I am cheating or something crazy like that?

Also, I apologize if i sound like Im coming across ( pardon the pun), as a player. Im NOT. Ive always done ok with the ladies but not player territory. Ever since elementary school, I was always in a committed relationship of some kind. My face is actually red as I write this.

Im simply trying to navigate this hurt from my wife, not trying to hurt anybody and you know, getting some needs met. Its been months since the last time. Does that make me weak?
9

Another good chuckle with the Ron Jeremy reference 9! LOL...

Listen man, I'm pretty sure that what you describe is a result of guilt. Like CS said, it may mean that you're not quite ready for this. I don't know. And I think that 2Step is right, you just need to be very honest with anyone that you date or are 'with'.

Now should you feel guilty about this? Nah, not IMO. Not for your W anyhow. The only question you have to answer, is, 'is this right for me?'

Your W should have no bearing on what you do right now. She's made her present intentions clear. She has no right to expect anything from you. Thus, no guilt for what you 'think' you might owe her.

You and your W are separated after all and NOT working towards reconciling in any sense of the word.

Are you violating your M vows? Man, only you can decide that for yourself.

I don't think that anyone would judge you for this though 9.


BITS
Denver

[aeolianchaos]

Not to get too personel but since this is anonymous to some degree. I could not finish the deal again if you know what I mean. Dont want to put a time on it but I could have watched a period or two of hockey. That concerns me. With my W, I was a normal timed guy in the bedroom but now , Its Ron Jeremy territory. In the end , I just didnt which made her feel bad.
( Sorry if Im getting too personel here, Im not seeing a coucniler anymore and just wondering if there is insight)

9

There are some good books about this - David Schnarch has written a lot about this and it might in a mindset that is worth considering - so much of DB is confronting oneself, and so much of his work has a similar theme of confronting oneself deeply.

Then again - maybe it was the wine??

[ninelives]

Good job CS. I can see Kramer delivering that line. And steve Martin in " All of me"

Update again:

Country and Denver, both mystics. I got a few angry texts from W today. I guess she called Oldest son this morning and somehow the convo went to where I was last night and he said that Dad got home late.

Text went something like this

W: I guess you are too busy to answer my questions. I am concerned about oldest and if you are too , then we should sit down and discuss this , or maybe you think getting your dick wet is more important? Our son is more important dontcha think?

Also, did you claim oldest on income tax cause I did and if you did as well , then I will have to pay some money back.

(I dont know why she claimed him, he lives with me full time)

Then an hour and a half later she texts again.

W: I apologize for the rude comment. Its none of my business what you do. I was way out of line. I would like to know what you are doing with Zack during my night shifts.

( they are over two weeks away BTW)

Then she texts me again an hour later.

W: I called you place at work but I guess you must have instructed your secretaries to place any call from me directly to voice mail. Nice!

Then text again:

W: Youngest son is sailing on July 11-18, its during your week but I can keep him if you are away. Its ok , I dont mind. Regardless, I want to come down and watch him sail everyday from 9-12.

( Its ironic, last summer when we reconciled , ha ha, he was just starting his sailing and her sister was so upset with her for coming back after all the "hell" she put her through, I remember holding hands with my W on the beach as we walked past her as a sign of solidarity; What a joke, to tell you the truth, If i recall correctly, it felt a little weird holding her hand that day.)

So I am starting to think about the new girl a little more and I KNow its waaaaaaay to soon for anything to happen but I am liking her. She is not as beautiful as my wife but its time I started to look past my wife's beauty and maybe see whats inside.

Im not sure obviously but I KNOW im going to be fine one way or another. I beginning to see that perhaps the path to my wife may not lead to happiness.

Only time will tell.

9

[Starsky309]

Nine,

I think I've said this to you before, but you should NOT be ignoring your wife's texts when they pertain to your son.

If you were ignoring her b/c she was rude, then at least when she sent the apology one you should have replied "Apology accepted. I will make sure someone is watching him the nights you work" (or whatever), "and will let you know, of course, what the arrangements are."

Starsky

[~ kd ~]

ok... i'm kinda getting she's a little angry...

I agree that you should be talking to her about the kids, although I would guess that you do and will talk to her about this stuff.

While I am sure she wants to get it figured out as soon as possible, a day or two is not going to matter. That's my opinion, of course.

Fine line here, but don't NOT call her as a means of controlling her. If you're busy with more pressing matters, get to it as soon as you can.

....

Sounds like she's got some anger issues she has to work out...

[2stepboogie]

9

I agree with starsky when it comes to the kids you should answer text pertaining to them. Now I know she uses the kids as an excuse to talk to you but you can control that exchange can't you?

She text cause she wants to be a part of his sailing. Ok. I know it's prob bs but a simple response

9: ok I'll send u the dates

Should be enough. Control the exchange and the topic.

Don't allow yourself to get dragged into anything

[ninelives]

Small Update:

Thanks for all the responses about my so called problem in the sack. Turns out that it was a "something about Mary answer"

Had a pregame prior to going over the other day. Me and new ladyfriend had a discussion. She said she felt mildly offended that I could not close the deal. A little insecure if you will. I on other hand, thought that lasting long time was good as I am all about pleasing her.

So last night , had dinner at my place, no pregame for me and tried to finish early as to please her that she is all that and couldnt hold myself long. And did, not quite Ross from Friends episode but quicker than even normal for me.

She then mentins that she was almost there and If I could have gone a little longer, she would have. Well, how the hell do we win gentlemen.

Think i have a handle on it now.

She made it very clear that we are not in a relationship and doesnt see it going far as I am 14 years older than her, but she doesnt want to close the door either. And I made it clear that I am not over my wife yet and really am just trying to find my way. She too not over her relationship.

Both of us admitted that our egos have been bruised by previous relationships with our partners leaving.

She is very different then my W. Very outdoors oriented. Very independent. Very much into sex. Loves to boat etc.

We concluded that we will try and help each other through the summer and if things develop with our ex's, we understand.

I am communicating with her like I NEVER did with my Wife. I felt like I got dumped a bit last night but she mentioned that she did want to get together alot this summer , just doesnt want to put labels on it like we are in a relationship. Small town.

Im way cool with that.

Summer starts for me in 20 minutes.

9

[ninelives]

OHHHH BTW:

Wife went down to watch soccer game where I coach against New girl. I was playing as well as it was last game and it was just for fun.

We had a great time. I was having so much fun until youngest son got hurt. She came onto the field and then watched from there. After game, she approached me to settle her shifts and my supervisions. She just got her hair done as wes dressed nice for a soccer game.

I told her I would take care of son and if anything else came up , I would deal with it.

She then texted me later to find out about his shoulder injury.

I did text her back a few times.

Both boys stayed over at friend's houses last night as I had lady friend over for dinner and You know.

Wife texted me at 1:30 a.m.

about son. Then she asked about my parents health and wished them well. Told me she was glad that summer was here for me and that I would unwind now that school stress is over.

Was very nice about things.

I responded to all her inquiries and even told her an amusing anectdote about Oldest son.

The tone was upbeat and pleasant.

Gotta love the WAS. You never know what you are going to get.
9

[~ kd ~]

kinda like Alzheimers...

WAS: a new (unexpected) adventure every moment!