Don't know where I am

[angel61]

Harrier,

You are not alone. As you said in my thread, we are pretty much in the same sitch. And the list you made is pretty much what I think is my H's too. In reverse situations like yours, typically women are more verbal, so at least you do know where you stand. In my case I don't even have the luxury of words (as you see in the title of my thread), I think my H really prefers not to talk because he is afraid that he will just be pushed to say the D word.

Sometimes the emotional exhaustion is protective for us, it makes us just let go and in many cases, that is helpful. being so vigilant of everything our spouses say and do makes them feel the pressure. I too am sooo exhausted, and its been a year for me now, just got through my bomb-aversary (June 26).

I too let my H know that I did not want to be friends, if ever we D. Same response - I am being selfish, etc. I explained that when that happens, the reason for me not wanting to see him is that it will be too painful for me, and if i do wish to go on with my life, I would rather not be friends with him. I have to be selfish too to protect my wellbeing. I think he got that reasoning and never bugged me about it afterwards. He realized that making the decision to go also comes with consequences.