It seems stupid, because really it's not what it's about.
It's about the feelings inside her that were rubbed raw and allow her to feel devalued and you didn't do that. That comes from within her.

This is a suggestion only, and my personal take. I'm not a professional or even an effective DB'er myself. So take it for what it's worth and tailor to your own situation.

What you can do is agree with her that it's her PERCEPTION that you didn't go out, and you understand she's hurting although not exactly how unless she tells you.
State that you're willing to change that pattern and work with her.

This is an argument that has the potential to keep going around and around with no resolution if you can't break out of it.

BITS
Me-51, WAS-52
Kids 2
M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013
Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice.
Love is a action and choice you make, every day.