OK, that's fair. Talking about it with your counselor is a good thing. There's something more, I'm sure, just as you've indicated as a "reason" for the action. It is just a reason and the action was an action. The two, while in your mind it seems so, are not necessarily connected. But I'm not asking you to believe me. Just putting that out there.
Here's whats more I see...
You indicate you want to find out how much damage the action caused.
The fact is you are actually punishing yourself more and more, by each "confession" you put out there. You really appear to need to punish yourself because...
You feel you need to be punished, and punished really, really hard. To the extent that your wife needs to punish you, your kids need to punish you, your doctor needs to punish you, your counselor needs to punish you, we need to punish you...
all for a sense of being "right" about how much damage you caused...
I might actually stop buying it, soon... The only judge you will ever truly face in this, on this earth is you. And you have imparted a massive sentence. And you are convicting yourself over and over and over again, for the same crime.
