How long will you be holding onto this (bad) mistake in your life?
I understand you need to work through it and doing so is great. Important, even.
You are getting a lot of discussion regarding it in your thread here.
You are holding on to it and if you choose, you will hold onto it until your death.
You have owned it, you have apologized for it, and ultimately you have to forgive yourself for it. Not in any empty way. But forgive yourself in a way that you have absolute conviction that you would never, ever do that again because you are now a stronger man.
I am getting that you are ashamed by it. I understand that you feel remorse for it.
Eventually, you really have to get on with the rest of your life and being a better you.
