It has been some time since I last posted. Here is the quick synopsis on what has happened in my life. Last June I deployed overseas for a year. Within a couple of months, I got the "I can't do this anymore" speach. After some time, I finally agreed to just give her the divorce she wanted. We were divorced on 31DEC. I got custody of my son and she got custody of my daughter. I didn't get home from my deployment until 1June.
Since I have been home, the ex and I have been talking. After a couple of weeks of talking, she moved back in. Less than a week after moving back in, she now says that she does not know if she is ready and is now miving her stuff back out. Needless to say, this is killing me emotionally.
What should be my next move? How should I be handling this? I am just afraid of re-living all of those bad feelings I had when the divorce happened the first time. The rational side of me is saying that this is best if she is not ready. I am also feeling like this was just a weak attempt so she can at least say that she tried. This is so confusiong, so any input would be appreciated.
Me:33 W: 31 M: 8 T: 13 S: 6 D: 8 months The Bomb 7/22/10 "I can't do this anymore, I'm done" http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2048765&page=1
I understand how you must have felt coming back, to find the woman you love willing to talk about the two of you, possibly working things out and getting back together, even considering having gone through the D process.
And then the joy you must have felt that she moves back in, once again re-uniting your family.
Harsh? Perhaps. Obviously she was not ready and was hoping to just get comfortable again. The romance and honeymoon again.
If you want, let her know that while you appreciate the talks and that she was willing to move in, that you understand that things moved a little too quick and if anything is going to happen again, it really needs to be taken slowly...
Hope that helps. I feel for you. Try to stay off the roller coaster.
Thanks, I appreciate the words. Yeah, pretty much everything that you said, I am going though. I really thought that she thought things through, but obviously not. She says that she still wants to work on "us" though. I just do not know if I have the stomach to handle it this way now that it appears that she is already running again. I am so pissed at myself for falling for this again....sigh.
Me:33 W: 31 M: 8 T: 13 S: 6 D: 8 months The Bomb 7/22/10 "I can't do this anymore, I'm done" http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2048765&page=1
To be honest, since you're already divorced, I would MOVE ON. Letting her move back in so easily -- esp. when there are children involved -- was NOT wise ... at all.
If she wants to possibly get back together at some future date, I would rather see you suggest dating each other -- non-exclusively -- for a period of six months or so, and see how it goes. Less confusing for the kids; far less traumatic on your heart.
Yeah, I was suckered in I guess. It is the one thing in this world that I want, and I figured if I didn't risk being burned again, I would loose out. I never thought that it would have worked out like it has. She does want to do the dating thing, I just do not know how well I will do with it. I really thought I had my mind right after dealing with the divorce for six months while I was gone. Then this one little episode has got me on tilt again. Sometimes I do not know what goes through their minds....
Me:33 W: 31 M: 8 T: 13 S: 6 D: 8 months The Bomb 7/22/10 "I can't do this anymore, I'm done" http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2048765&page=1
Yeah....you both are right. Sometimes fixing your mind is the hardest thing in the world to do. Well, we talked again, and got a lot out. It acutally felt good.
Looks like a lot of two steps forward, one step back in my future. Thanks for listening. I am taking my kids on vacation for week, hopefully the seperation will do some good for both of us.
I will try and keep the updates coming.
Me:33 W: 31 M: 8 T: 13 S: 6 D: 8 months The Bomb 7/22/10 "I can't do this anymore, I'm done" http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2048765&page=1
