W is an Injustice Collector. She is still angry at me over an offhand remark I made while we were at a friends' house...11 years ago. She has trotted out almost every angry word I have spoken and every thoughtless action I have committed in her justification of this. I have replayed all of this over and over in my head and lately it is difficult for me to forgive myself and not take on all of the responsibility for the breakup.
Telemark, you do need own the parts for which you are responsible. You need to forgive yourself for those parts. That being said, she needs to forgive you for your transgressions, which she obviously hasn't done. She needs to do it for her. She's harboring all of this hurt and it's tearing her up. It will continue to do so until she's able to forgive you. If she moves on to another relationship, she will carry that baggage with her. It's up to you to unload your own baggage.
