So...am I still a newcomer?

[Telemark]

Thanks, jb. I'm holding it together here at work but inside I'm falling apart; the old familiar stomach knot and dry mouth are back again.

There are moments when I see my life w/o my W in it and I feel that I can really move on. Then I fall into the trap of picturing my wife the way she was before all of this, and my mind screams, "How did this happen? Why didn't I see the warning signs earlier?"

W is an Injustice Collector. She is still angry at me over an offhand remark I made while we were at a friends' house...11 years ago. She has trotted out almost every angry word I have spoken and every thoughtless action I have committed in her justification of this. I have replayed all of this over and over in my head and lately it is difficult for me to forgive myself and not take on all of the responsibility for the breakup.

I know I need to get past that, but there are a lot of "if only"s circling me.