Nearly 5 years but who is counting?

[missmyfriend]

@Forward - I respect your opinion but I honestly had to decide whether I believe what is in the bible is true or not; and follow which path appears to make the most sense to me.

I will not tell anyone else to do what I am doing. They have to feel compelled on their own and I certainly will not pass judgement on others for their decisions. I may not agree with them but that is something that I can consider internally without making them feel like they are doing the wrong thing.

I have poured over scripture, not just related to marriage but through much of the Old Testament and New. I admit I haven't read the entire bible. I have read most of it. And some sections I have read numerous times.

For me, I see that God has a plan for our lives. Outside of His relationship with each of us individually, the next most important relationship we can have is with our spouse. God has repeatedly made His opinion clear regarding marriage and the dissolution of marriage.

I don't reject secular thought on relationships and how to take care of one's emotional needs. I weigh that and what everything people say to me and what I think I want to do against what I have read in the bible. I personally believe that people need moral absolutes and should take personal responsibility to feel safe (emotionally) and secure. Please don't misunderstand me. I don't mean if we follow everything God has commanded us that we won't experience hardships, sadness or other negative situations but there is a peace that one feels when they prefer to follow God's will over their own.

At this time, you probably think I carry a bible with me and talk like this with everyone. LOL! Not even in the slightest. I am a very private person and have built up walls like everyone else. Also, I have read scripture where we are instructed to not pray out loud in front of others as a display of our supposed faith but to pray somewhere where it is quiet and we can be alone with God. On the other hand, I do believe we are to reach out to others about Him, to share the gospel. I don't discuss it unless the conversation leads that way and it is a give and take conversation.

Back to the topic. Following scripture such as in Ephesians 5:25-27, 1 Corinthians 13 and many others are powerful reasons for me to fight for my family in prayer. I sincerely believe this is a spiritual battle and that I cannot, personally, do anything about, other than pray and be there for my family when they "need" me. My wife and I have little contact. I see my kids infrequently.

I have a dependent, healthy attachment to God and I am still working on the man He wants me to be (and not who my family would want me to be). I do not have a codependent, unhealthy attachment with my wife because we have, for the most part, no relationship at all.

As far as my being "attracted" to my wife, I admit that I'm not attracted to her. I said I love her. The love I feel for her is hard to describe. I care for her person and want her to be happy. I also worry more about where she will end up rather than how she is now. I try not to worry since that is not up to me but I am human, after all.

Love based on reality? The only love that is 100% real is the love that God has for us. Other than that, people can be too flakey BUT we were commanded to love each other as Jesus did. I am failing in that area in a big way but I won't stop trying. Overall, I am happier than people realize but most people are gauging it on a different scale than I am.

Forward, thanks for your post. I mean that. I thought about not saying anything more than thanks. Instead, even though many will not understand me, I thought maybe it was an opportunity to share about why I am standing. I am standing more for God than anything else, to be honest.

The biggest lie is the one we tell ourselves.