Don't know where I am

[XYZ]

What she doesn't get is that its just too damn painful to have her in my life if everything goes the way I think it will. She wants it both ways.

BTW, I totally get this. I vacillated on this issue myself. I told my W that I always wanted to be her friend. And then I told her I couldn't be her friend. Then I wanted to again. I feel the same way you do.

Ultimately, I told her that I was all or nothing. Had to be that way and my actions backed it up. When I moved out, I didn't call her. I didn't text her. I didn't mow the lawn (that's HER house, not mine). It was hard, but actually made it easier for me to figure out that I'd be ok without her.