Honestly, I have to say your reactions to your W's MLC were a train wreck which made you your own worst enemy. You apparently finally learned to stop working against yourself and are now apparently much stronger for the experience. Do you think you were going thru a bit of your own MLC in the process, or were just subconciously mirroring her behaviour?
I'm not saying I'm all high and mighty, but I did learn very quickly which behaviours were causing me the greatest issues, not only with my W, but with my kids and myself. Somehow you figure I still don't "get" it? Believe me, I get the general concepts, but admit I am still learning everyday about myself and my sitch. However, I'm sure there is much I can still learn by taking the time to read your entire thread, and I promise I will.
Again, all our sitchs are different. My W's MLC has been much more low-grade compared to your W's. Therefore, my reactions have been more subdued, less emotional, and have allowed me time to think instead of just being angry all the time. Another difference is her basically giving me 100% custody of the kids, while not pressuring them to stay or even come to dinner on a regular basis. She is trying, but she just does not want to create ill will by forcing them. I think her approach will eventually gain her success, as she continues to be a very good mom whenever in their presence. However, she will likely always have issues if she tries to integrate OM into their lives. The affair started in our own home (he was a painting contractor during our remodel). She lied to all of us for an extended period, and the girls frankly still don't trust her. The love her for sure, but trust is very low. Feelings of betrayal and abandonment also cause them issues. W and I both figure time and good counseling will slowly heal these wounds.
Honestly, I am more interested in the journey at this point, and not the end destination. I choose to make this as positive as possible, but realize I am fortunate on many levels in that circumstances make it easier for me to focus on the positive.
I am not seeking a magic bullet for my sitch. I "get" there is no such thing. However, in order to seriously take someone's advice, I like to know if I can respect what they say based on their own actions. Words are great, but actions speak volumes.
You are obviously a caring person to take the time to critique my threads. I can only be so kind as to return the favor.
Good luck to you on your journey Eric. Sounds like you are all set with a lifetime's worth of lumber, according to Cadet. Let's keep up the dialogue.
