Holding, Hopeful, but Realistic

[ericmsant2]

MLC

My sitch is as follows:

- Bomb drop 9/2009...followed by a ton of confusion on her part.
- OM EA identified in 10/2009 - started in 8/2009 - He was her second cousin.
- STBXW was a stay at home mom for over 16 years (although she did work part time the last 4)
- I made the typical mistakes the first…oh…say…10 months.
- I dropped 68 lbs in a month
- New full time job for STBXW started in 12/2009
- STBXW started new PA with her new boss 12/2009
- 10/2009 – 1/2011 – I become primary care giver, maid, cook…pretty much did everything in the house.
- 1/2010 – STBXW now wants a legal separation. FTR, I was still in the martial home and sleeping in the same bed with her.
- 2/2010 – I start an R with someone…only to realize I was so not ready. No one know about the R. it was short…very short.
- 4/2010 – huge blow up at the house…I confront about OM….I secured a lawyer…
- 4/2010 – I throw her out of the bed room. My kid do not know about OM.
- 4/2010 – She files for D
- 5/2010 – I decided to give her the master bedroom as my attny tells me NOT to leave the home otherwise I have no shot in hell to get a 50/50 split with the kids. I start sleeping in the family room. Most of the time on the floor.
- 6/2010 – Met someone and begin to date. She, the kids, no one really know.
- 8/2010 – I am beginning to really look inside myself. I begin to really accept and understand my role in this and the fact that she is gone…
- 9/2010 – First four way meeting with attnys. She asked for the house, the Durango and full custody. I give her the house and the car.
- 10/2010 – I think I am done but I am not sure. The R I began in 6/2010 is close to ending.
- 11/2010 – Second four way meeting with attnys. She now no longer wants the house. Says she is going to leave in Jan. At this point I am emotionally drained.
- 12/2010 – She changes her mind about leaving and now says that she wants to stay until Feb or Mar…a few weeks later…she wants to stay until June. My kids ask me to please let them stay in the house. An old friend finds me on facebook. We start to date. Once again no one knows.
- 1/2011 – I am still in the house but have really begun to detach. I am beginning to understand and see things very differently. I now want out. I want out of the home…not for her…nor for my kids…but for me.
- 2/2011 – I’m done and come to realize that for my healing I need to leave. I come to realize the home environment is not healthy for anyone, especially my kids.
- 3/2011 – I find a wonderful rental that I want to move into. Attnys say no. I tell them F – It. I’m out….that I need to heal and this is no longer good for my kids.
- 4/2011- I move out and my true healing begins. I feel great…the changes that I wanted to make start to take hold. I still have good days and bad days…but all I like what I see when I look in the mirror.
- 5/2011 – The R I started in Dec…ends. The women wants to move in. I say no. I come to realize that all she wanted was for me to rescue her. We have our third 4 way. I secure temporary order to get 50% of my kids. Court awards her less that she was asking for (she wanted everything….to quote my attny….”if she could get the crumbs off your plate she wanted that too”).
- 6/2011 – Living my life as a single parent 50% of the time…the other 50%....I live. Life is good. I come to realize so much about myself, about the process. I can look back and be grateful for what has happened.

MLC, to truly understand where I came from, my past, the process I went through…you really need to read my posts.