Long sleepless night....found out my wife has been lying to me. My wife sent me a text yesterday saying I'm not going to be over today I'm staying at (friends name)...so I went to visit my BIL since she wasn't going to be there. I park my car across the street from his house in a parking lot because of the way his street is. So anyways I'm sitting over there and guess who's pulls up....and there's a guy driving her....She doesn't know I saw the guy out there...yet....she came in saying her friend brought her by to get some clothes...I badly want to confront her about this. I told my BIL what he saw and he sincerely didn't know. He said she pays rent there so he doesn't ask what she's doing or where she's going. He said the only thing he's told her about all this is that if she's sleeping with anyone or thinking of sleeping with anyone don't do it till this divorce is final. I believe him he's always been pretty straight with me. He said he told her that I would never forgive her if she was when we separated....
Okay, so how does this affect your goals? Without looking back at anything.....can you list what your goals were after you read DR and up until you saw her arrive last night?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I'm not really sure honestly. Right now I'm just really angry about all this. She abandoned me for what appears to be someone else after everything I have done to help her.
Guess it doesn't really matter....she text me this morning with a message saying I've realized I'm not in love with you anymore ..very painful words to have said to you
hollowed, I'm sorry to read about the text your W sent to you. It's doubly painful that your W couldn't say it to your face, but chose the easy way out to tell you.
There is nothing you can do about her. She will do whatever she pleases and not care at all about the consequences.Our W's have become persons we no longer recognize.
The only course you can take now that will preserve your sanity, self respect and self esteem is to turn your attention and focus away from her and completely towards you. I know; easier said than done. It will take weeks or months of determination and willpower for you to get your mind off of her actions and onto your actions. The pain will not go away, but it will start to lessen. I know this because I am living it, as is everyone else on this board.
Make deliberate decisions to get out of the house and do something; anything. Be around people who love you and support you, but do not feed your angst. And I'd cut communication with the BIL; that's just causing you more pain.
Post often; being here among friends helps; there is some comfort in knowing that you're not alone in this.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
It is a horrible thing to hear, no matter how they tell us.
And the next thing to hear is almost impossible to believe. You will feel better again, eventually. When, is just up to you.
Now, more than ever, you need to put one foot in front of the other and GAL. It will not be easy at first. Detaching is no longer a choice, it's mandatory.
Start with little things. Go rent and watch an up beat movie. Go to the park for an hour. Go to the library. Put yourself out there in the real world, among other people, even perfect strangers. You will have to force yourself to put on a brave face and you will be practicing it so that eventually it becomes real.
And make the opportunity to talk with people, even if it's perfect strangers, about anything that is not related to your sitch.
It's understandable that you feel this way. I think all of us here on the board have felt this way. However, this is about the worst thing you can do. Work on GAL. Trust me, you will start feeling a lot better as a result.
Remember to believe none of what she says and 50% of what she does. She is certainly an emotional wreck right now. She is on her own roller coaster, though it's very unlikely she is letting you see that.
Right now I still want the marriage to work but she seems pretty determined to try to destroy me. At this moment I don't really know what my strategy is. I did one thing against what it said and got sucked into an argument with her. Gees did we have quite the argument. She's saying we never got out. I was saying we couldn't because when asked she would say she didn't want to go anywhere. From what she's telling me that's what it's all about. Seems stupid to me honestly
