Hi everyone, sorry im not on here as much, the kids and i have an extremely busy schedule. Soccer every night, feels like i never stop driving. lol
For an update,
I had the talk with wife last Thursday after her visit with the kids as i was driving her home. She said she needed the weekend. I said ok, and left it at that. She didnt come to S9 soccer game on Monday night. Today i got a call from her asking if I was picking her up for her visit tonight and what we were doing for S13 graduation and S15 awards dinner (both tonight at different venues).
I told her i wouldnt let her miss the kids events but that after tonight she was on her own. She started crying and said she didnt know what to do. She knows if she comes home OM will be out of her life for good. I continued with my original offer, i told her that she was coming home for the kids, not for me. She would have her private life. She said she cant do that, that she cant be with someone who cant be in her childrens lives. She cant live this double life, it was killing her.
I told her that i have had almost 3 months to prepare myself for this arrangement. i have done what she asked me to do. I also pointed out that the only reason she considered this was because i didnt include working on our marriage in the offer. If i had she would have said no right away and that would have been the end of it. I told her that for 3 months i had been learnign how to control my emotions and feelings so that i could live under the same roof as my wife who wants a divorce. I picked up my STBXW from her boyfriends house twice a week and brought her home for visits with my family and then took her home to her affair partner. I did all of this to ensure that i was in a place to emotionally handle the situation.
I then told her that the time was up. She has had long enough to decide if she was coming home or not. I pointed out that she was only nice to me in front of the kids or when she needed something. She doesnt call to talk or see how i am doing anymore. only to make sure i am picking her up or doing her whatever favor she needs. I told her i was tired of being used this way. That she was on her own for getting to the kids soccer games, for picking the kids up for her visits and for taking them elsewhere on her weekends with them.
She poured on the tears and said again that this double life was killing her, that maybe over the last 3 months she realized that she cant come home for just the kids. At this point i told her what time i would be there to pick her up and I said goodbye and hung up the phone.
After our busy evening as i was driving her home, she didnt say much other than she wasnt doing very well and that the stress was getting unberable. She said she missed having her license and the ability to go where she wanted, when she wanted. She said she would go get the kids sin cards tomorrow as it would get her out of the house cause she need to. She then stated that maybe it was just OM getting on her nerves as he has been on strike for the last week, and when he went to work today, he got a 3 day suspension so he was home for the next 3 days as well.
I didnt say anything. I just let her talk. When I pulled up in front of her home, i reminded her that S9 played tomorrow at 6pm. She said "i know, he told me before i left". She has missed 2 out of the last 3 games of his. she said thank you and left the car.
I cant help feeling that she said all of that in hopes that i would give her more time, like she was saying what i wanted to hear so she could get what she wanted. I had asked her earlier what she expected of me. Her answer had been, "you have always been there for me over the last 20 years. You always helped me and made me feel better, fixed the issue and just listened. I guess i just expect you to always do that".
So i am expecting a phone call tomorrow asking me to pick her up, to give her until the weekend etc. to make up her mind. My MIL blew a gasket at her tonight. She doesnt understand how her daughter can sit there and be more worried about a low life piece of sh&* and losing him from her life then losing her 4 children, then tucking them in every night and being there when they need her. I had to calm MIL down and get them separated before it got real nasty.
I am worn out by all of this. I am playing the middle man to keep her in everyones lives, not just my kids, but her entire family.
I know i have no one to blame but myself, i let her use me, to walk all over me. I did that, no one forced me to.
I could really use some feed back from others at this stage in my journey, cause im about to through in the towel and quit.
