Long difficult conversation tonight. I went out of town for a bout 8 days. I thought there was a small chance that my W might "see the light" of me living away from here. Boy did she ever and not in a good way. She said the time apart crystalized the idea that we should absolutely live apart.
Oh well, not like I thought I had a prayer. I came back and we had a long talk.
As I said earlier, by any definition, I am NOT PIECING. I don't know where I belong now. I'm not a newbie...not to mention I p'oed a number of people there.
Here is how things stand.
1. She wants to live apart - (see above)
2. She has has no romantic feelings for me and doesn't want to have sex at all. (heartbreaking)
3. Doesn't know if those feelings (No. 2) can come back and doesn't want to be in a marriage without them.
4.She does love and care for me very much. She said I was the most important person in her life. And said she really couldn't imagine me not being in her life in some way. That way right now is really good close friends. She said that she was kinda taken aback that I didn't seem to want to cling to any relationship between us.
5. Right now she is at a point where she is not sure if she can get past the stuff that went on the past 16 months. Actually, she sounded like she doesn't think she can, but isn't willing to make any decisions based on that now.
6. She said if I forced her into making a decision now - it would be divorce.
7. Says the most important thing between us is that we have some kind of relationship after everything - if we stay married or not. (see No. 4)
8. Doesn't really want to work on the R right now. (why I'm not in piecing, it takes 2 to tango)
9. Right now is willing to to go IC to adress some of her issues with me, but said that there are no guarantees.
10. I think she would like to have romantic feelings with me and like things to work out, but like she said before. Just can't try now.
11. Thinks we stil need a Long time.
12. She did acknowledge that things have improved a lot on the past couple months, and she is at a place now where she didn't think she would get - liking me wanting to be friends, not getting D right away.
13. Didn't cover MC, but I think that is off the table as a topic of convo at least until I move out.
So then after all that I'm in the kitchen and I'm making the kids lunches. She comes to me and gives me a kiss and hug and holds me for a while. She said she really loves me and I say ILY and that I don't say that enough to her.
My take - (I know, no mind reading)
Best case - she really wants to have those feelings, but is protecting herself until she can trust me again to let those feelings return. She is really wary because of the past 18 months and doesn't want to experience that again.
Worst case - she has decided she can't get past the stuff doesn't want to be married. The separation is a stepping stone and will put on a show for a couple months, then pull the trigger.
