I am so sorry that your W is so far in the tunnel that she does not even want to interact with her kids. For now, mine would like to see the kids more, but they reject her. Since she's non-confrontational, she does not push it. I try not to get in the middle, but encourage them to see her if the conversation warrants it. We are all in counseling together. However, this is her burden to bear.
Trust? That's gonna be tough if one jumps right back into the R. But if we are EVER lucky enough to take it slow with our W's, then I believe that trust will be restored. You will know how to replenish her love tank, as opposed to how we both failed at this before. We WILL be NEW men, so I trust we won't forget our lessons.
Lost or gained on this journey?
Things I lost: 1) I lost my illusions that I was a great husband. Fair to average maybe, but great, not even close. 2) Lost my sense of invincibility. Gone, completely. Replaced it with an giant plate of humble pie. Yum! Good for what ails you though. 3) Lost my best friend. Won't forget that anytime soon. 4) lost 25 lbs in 30 days. Stress is a very effective diet. Since replaced with exercise and low blood pressure.
Things I gained: 1) much closer R with my daughters. They need their rock, and I will ALWAYS be there for them. 2) Taught them how an adult should react to adversity. Things like dignity and respect. They may nt agree with their mom's actions, but they must treat her in this mannger. 3) I've gained back a good chunk of my own self respect. Gradually getting my own life. Slow process, but Rome was not built in a day. Patience is the standard. Hard though, very hard at times. 4) gained a good working relationship with W by reframing my interactions with her as ALWAYS positive. I'm not saying I smile and dance like Bo Jangles in her presence. I just don't react to any information she gives me that might insight anger. No matter the topic, I simple agree and ask questions. No judgements, EVER. Always positive. Always.
Good luck to you Spirit. I massively appreciate the chance to correspond with you. It is most therapuetic.
