Well guys, you have your ways and I have mine. I'm not into "tricking" anyone. I am first and foremost interested in changing what had become a fast deteriorating / toxic R with my W after Bombs #1 & 2. Divorce attornies, threatening legal letters, strained relations. My anger had worked against me and so my first and most important 180 was to release myself from that anger, forgive her for her choices, forgive myself for being so myopic about our R and the problems it had, and choose to interact with her in a positive fashion at ALL times. I have reaped my rewards in this regard. I am happier, and I'm sure she's happier about me.
Any other things I've tried as 180's, gimmic or not, was done to see if I could impact a positive change in my W. As DR states, if it's not working stop doing it. If it is, keep it up. Pretty simple concept. I have a healthy view of myself and life, in spite of the speed bumps that have occurred. I have changed. But remember, we did not cause this MLC, nor can we "cure" it. However, you can work to manage your own feelings and self worth in the process. That is all I seek. If I one day get my M restored, great. If not, I will still be the better person for it.
My W may not be done yet with the OM, but I assure you my chances of restoring my M are much better if things are kept positive. That said, I'm very fortunate she wants to interact in this manner. Others are not so lucky, so my heart goes out to all the DB'ers that try so hard to be nice to their WAS's, but only get lumps of coal in return. That is not my sitch, so as I said, I play my cards relative to my circumstance. I would play them much more differently if she was hostile. I guarantee you she's already looking at me in a new way.
Will I change forever or revert back to old behaviours? Not likely. This has been too traumatic an event. Not too prone to keep sticking my finger in that light socket. Have I become a better person, better father, better son? Definitely. I thank my W for this. Even if she becomes my X. Again, the power is viewing your sitch as the glass half full, not half empty.
As for your cake J3B, eat as much you like. It always ways a very odd saying! Wordy? Glad that pleases you.
