New - HELP! Tried the 180/Last Resort & Failed

[25yearsmlc]

No ONE Thing you do or say will make or break this broken r...

he's been a selfish weirdly behaving jerk to you

and you are doing whatever you can to make yourself look nice.

But that's not helping your cause. He's even more with her

and wearing a ring and planning on marrying her and yada yada and

he has not met her son but once, (&you wanted to make THAT EASIER??

I won't beat a dead horse if you now see that it's NOT a good idea to help him with ANY part of leaving you).

When my h complained that Alaska was cold or dark, I'd say "bummer, what a drag, etc"...
I validated his complaint, WITHOUT TELLING HIM TO GO OUT AND BUY A SUN-LAMP...

when he said he was lonely, I did not suggest GAL for him,

but said "I can imagine...(b/c your family is HERE...) (See what I'm saying?)

Then I'd tell him the latest fun thing the children had done (which HE missed b/c he was Not here)

Without rubbing it in his face

We discussed his work, my work, MY/KID'S GAL.

IOW

[b]I CONTRASTED the life we had here,

with what he had there.

I talked about how warm, active, fun and loving it was HERE...the event we held OUTSIDE and the classes I was taking and the NEW people I was meeting...etc

So, whatever OW is doing with her son...

you need to contrast your single life's GAL with that,

instead of supporting it...(I mean, enough enabling)

[/b] Think about the single life you have, the studies, the career stuff

and how you are advancing yourself.

I know you want to be "nice" to him and Granted, he can't say you are mean. But there are a ton of ways you can be strong and Not mean.

Maybe you need to learn what those are,

b/c you probably equate strength with being nasty

and weakness with kindness.

I know I'm being an armchair psych but

from your background and your father's PRESENT day behavior and how you reacted to that AND your reaction to your ex p...I wonder.


It'd be so good for you to talk to a c.

To me, If your exP were half the man you thought he was

he'd pay you real money (without you asking) and you'd get some help.

(But Do NOT ask for money from him, in order

For you to get help")

But when he asks if you need anything, have you ever thought of saying
tbh, "I could use some dang money for "getting back on my feet" (since I cannot afford to live away from my still hitting dad)...and my expected job promotion can't happen til a year from now...(so what if that isn't necessarily true YET...it will be) or

A "loan" for "transitioning to being on your own" which HE knows you have never been, thanks to his "rescue" of you, aka stealing your adolescence...(both? Fine...)

It really is the LEAST he could do since he broke your heart & he never really warned you of his needs not being met nor did he meet YOURS Btw...

oh yeah, those things...yes Alone, YOU had UNmet needs too...I think you put up with it from fear of being alone.

In a way that fear is what contributed to bringing about the very thing you dreaded...being abandoned.

I am NOT blaming you for him leaving.

But if you can see how your behavior then, and now, doesn't help a man to feel attracted but instead might feel burdened (same behavior can lead a man to want to rescue you AT FIRST)

then YOU'LL be better off in the short AND long run. True, it will increase the chances of your ex p waking up...

but that's not the main purpose.

Don't forget, we do know that your ex p won't come home to you by behaving the way you have been so far...let him go


Btw, have you ever lost your temper? Ever make a "demand"? Just curious.
I do hope you can talk to a professional.
There are places that provide mental health help on a sliding scale, btw. You have a lot of baggage, and it's affecting your choices as an adult.

And don't freak that I suggest this. I've Been there, done that. Got meds and they helped me, thank God.

Also, You might want to change your screen name. Seems like a negative label you could do without.

Maybe a more positive hopeful name would be more appropriate

and someday SOON, also more accurate anyhow?

Like "startingfresh35"...or "GAL@35"

or "ExPisW/CrazyNow"...

Hang in there, and Good luck!