Hiya Eric! Oh my - all the way in Connecticut? You do know I am going to be 52, right? Actually, when my legs work, I can rock things like a teenager - LOL!
We are taking it very slowly, really building a friendship. I know that I have learned from this journey that mutual respect is of utmost importance. I also know that I will not lose myself again.
It's funny to hear my friend talk about the Brooklyn he knew when I was 20. We both worked at a communications company. He was an installation technician. I designed the software for the new phone systems. We worked on 3 or 4 accounts together. I was already engaged to my xh.
My friend remembers way more than I do. But, he told me some stories about how I was one of the favorite designers of the technicians. I didnt know that. And he said what a good worked I was. That I worked hard and was very meticulous in my work. I knew that.
But, he told me how I was always myself. Very funny and straightforward. No game playing.
He remembers once when we were installing at a large legal company. And my contact was a big lawyer. He said the lawyer was really rude to all of us. Well, one day, all 5 feet of me had a meeting with this guy. I sat in a chair in front of his desk. He put his feet up in my face. Mind you, this was a Fortune 500 company. And there's my 20 year old self. My friend said he was passing by the door installing some phones. And he hears me say, "Excuse me, but can you please get your feet out of my face?" He said the lawyer stopped midsentence, and then looked at me and said, "Not too many people would have the nerve to say that to me". To which I responded, "Well, sorry but where I'm from, seeing the bottom of someone's shoes was usually done at a funeral." And with that the lawyer burst out laughing.
As he tells me these stories, I realize how small I allowed myself to become in my marriage. How I believed what my xh silently let me know - that I was not good enough, smart enough, capable enough.
I want that girl back completely. Oh man, she was a piece of work. A fearless, confident, funny girl with a huge heart and a great big laugh.
She has come back some, still has a way to go. But, that is the goal.
