Preparing For Big D & STILL Here

[25yearsmlc]

Wow, Bond. Your timing is perfectly ironic.

I just returned from family doctor's office. He is unlike most doctors in that he actually cares. I was there for about 45 mins. He is also STBX's doctor, so has to be somewhat careful of what he says.

Almost every doctor I know cares...but anyhow...

He asked for details of our split. He made it clear that our marriage did not end because of one thing I did or many thing It ended, at least equally due to STBX's 8-9 year affair I didn't do right.air. He told me to stop blaming myself and forgive myself.

Really?? What an amazing thing for a doctor to say given the facts. Were you acting suicidal in front of him?

I mean, You told him all the gory details and THAT is what he said?

Well you
Better lap that up and hold onto it b/c it makes your w "at least" as guilty as you and we all know

that's crucial to you

b/c you are still Keeping your scorecard every single step of the way...

I said this earlier, when I actually accept the reality of my/our life for the last 8-9 years and especially the last year and a half, STBX has not been honest with me at all. She has simply been keeping me as plan B or toying with me because I let her.

OMG sooo...SHE is still "wronger" than you! How on earth is she "toying" with you?

SHE JUST WANTS OUT & HAS BEEN CRYSTAL CLEAR ABOUT IT...Good grief.

This is exactly the opposite of what you said you would stop doing...blaming and keeping score and keeping the focus ON HER SINS...while pretending it's on yours...



Our relationship is so poisonous, that there is no reason to be together. We would both need to change too much for it to work. I, at least, know I need to make changes in me. She apparently has no idea.

Do I even need to say this this sounds, again? Yes YOU need to change. Stop talking about what SHE needs to do.

Whenever you begin to measure the sins/wrongs, (which is typical of a new LBSer but always hurts their cause AND THEIR LIFE and the lives of those around them)

or you start to think about what SHE has to do or whether SHE GETS it about her own behavior,

just STOP it...look in the mirror and

work on the one person you actually can control...YOU.

It [censored] that I lived a lie for so many years. I can't change that. I can only accept it go forward.

One positive note: I sent preliminary financial details to STBX today and she is in full agreement. We should be able to get the legal stuff done quite easily.

Bond, this man raped his wife. Recently, he told his children ALL the gory details...which he did NOT ask her to do before hand. And she was the victim, not him.

IT was a traumatic, private, & very painful matter to her.

She did not want to tell her children the details, regardless of who else she sought support from. That is HER perogative. She is the aggrieved party, not him.

She did not appreciate his disclosure to their children, or his failure to discuss it with her first.

He SAID it was to "begin THEIR healing... and to be honest"...

but then he admitted he really told them all those horrific facts,

b/c he wanted HER to talk about her affair. AND he's angry at her b/c she has not done so yet. Hence all his complaining about her lack of growth and honesty...
That's manipulating and controlling (at the kids'expense too) and reveals zero lack of insight.

That's NOT HER "abusing" him...that's HIM being unattractive. Big time.

She has the right to be fuming about this but HE wanted her to forgive him (without his asking her to) and he wanted it then and there....and he wanted a full confession of her "Sins" too...

If you still think his behavior is somehow alright

or morally equates to an affair (an affair which I don't condone, but am now more understanding of...)


then I guess we'll just have to disagree.