XYZ is here, but I won't be staying...

[XYZ]

Oh boy. Ever have one of those conversations that you knew were GOOD, but were really hard and therefore you feel like crap anyway? That's rhetorical. I know you all have.

Just had dinner with W and kids. After eating did what is turning into a trend and sent the kids to play video games. Had a really good, heartfelt and very difficult conversation. We talked about the upcoming therapy process. I did good listening. Lots of eye contact. Good discussion. Remember, my wife actually is a therapist (although she doesn't work with couples.) I asked her if I could ask some of her professional opinion just so I could get my head straight about expectations. She was happy to help. First, I asked what her confidence factor was because earlier in the conversion she had used the word "if" a couple of times. She said "very high". She went on to say that she was "totally committed" and very "hopeful" but this process would be long and very difficult. I told her that was great, because if she had said "oh I give us 1 in 10", then I'm not sure I could do that. She said "oh no, it will be very difficult and a lot of work, but I'm committed and hopeful. I'm not looking forward to the process but I am looking forward to the results of it." She commented several times that we have 11 years of "stuff to deal with. It will take some time."

I told her that I knew nobody knew how much time but in the ballpark did she think weeks, months or years. She replied months. I asked if she thought I'd be home by the end of the year. She said she wasn't sure. I told her that I was fully committed and not rushed but just need to get my head around what to expect. I said "if I'm thinking 2 weeks and you're thinking 2 years, that would be a problem." She understood.

I asked about time together. She replied that that would evolve as therapy progresses and we have the tools in place to make the most of it. I agreed. That makes sense to me.

She talked about how her brother was asking if she was sure she wanted to do this and he was concerned about her. Sorta pissed me off. He's the guy that has been my BIL for 10 years and it's like he's trying to talk my W out of staying with me. WTF? He even told her that "he'd probably kick my a$$ if he knew I was saying this". She told me he was just trying to protect her and I understood. Still pissed me off, though.

I have come to the realization just now that after 10 months of this, I'm only half way through. I have at LEAST 6 more months to go. God give me the strength to make it.