New - HELP! Tried the 180/Last Resort & Failed

[AloneAt35]

Mr. Bond & 25years,

Mr. Bond, I totally hear what your saying. I am just confused about approaches. I was doing the LRT for weeks, but it seemed only to make him more distant. But working on strength and independence is something I need to do just to survive right now. It has to happen. Yes, I am intimidated by my parents. Lots of violence at home growing up and in a way, I feel like I am back to being a child because I am hurting so badly and relying on them for so much support. I didn't think I could 'burn the bridge' by making a big stink.

Regarding being "buddy-buddy" with Ex-P...I've read every success story on here and most of them note that they were a "friend" to their WAS no matter how hard it was for them. This is where I need help/clarification with approaches.

Today I had a long conversation with Ex-P. It started out as the usual logistics-type conversation (these are very painful for me and my voice was shaking, etc.). So I decided to start asking him about his life and telling him about mine. We talked for a long time, though much of it was agonizing for me to hear (how nice his new house is, etc.), I stayed friendly and upbeat.

In our last conversation, Ex-P mentioned that maybe he just needed more attention, which OW gives him - he's addicted to her and she (apparently) to him. I realized that a 180 for me would be being more forward about my attraction to Ex-P. (I am very attracted to him, so this is easy). I was positively flirtatious on the phone. Ex-P responds very well to flattery, but I am not sure if I made a fool of myself since Ex-P has said he is not attracted to me. (Maybe he just wasn't attracted to the quiet, mousy me.) I ended the conversation by telling him that if things don't work out with OW I am going to ask him on a date. His response was that he would say yes, and then he hesitated and said - "just as friends - I'd like to stay friends."

Of course, its incredibly humiliating to flirt shamelessly while being told to "explore other relationships and open my heart to others," blah, blah, blah. At least its good practice for re-entering the dating world, but is it pushing Ex-P away??? Someone please tell me if I'm making a big mistake by being open about my attraction/feelings/intentions in a lighthearted manner.

On other news: Ex-P warned me that he now has a ring on his finger. I said, "Oh my God, are you engaged?!?" He said, no, that he didn't reciprocate with a ring for OW. He said that OW wants him to wear it to "keep the hussies away." He implied he would marry her one day. (It made me so sick to hear, but its only been three and half months since he dropped the bomb, so I'm not ready to give up.)

I asked how things were going with OW's son - he said he only met him once so far. I said that I remember my childhood friend who had to move in with her mom's boyfriend whom she barely knew and how hard it was for her to adjust. I suggested that they spend more time together if possible since they are all planning on living together very soon. Ex-P said that OW's son still spends a lot of time with OW's ex-boyfriend. I said, "but its not his biological father, right?" (of course, I only asked this because OW denied being her son's biological mother at first - so who knows.) He said, "definitely not." I seriously wanted to bet him five bucks that they are indeed father/son...why else would OW allow such a close bond to remain between an ex-boyfriend and her son when she supposedly intends to marry another man!

I know that I should be giving up entirely. Ex-P has given me every sign that he has no interest in being in a relationship with me again. He's totally invested in a new woman. He was not romantically attracted to me for ten years - and I am a cute lady, with a really good body since becoming so depressed and dropping some weight. Ex-P claims it was never about 'looks'.

So I ask myself and you all, why am I here??? Am I just prolonging my hurt by not disappearing from Ex-P's life? The thought is so painful, but ultimately, the man has been rejecting me for ages and ages. Its just that I still love him and was so happy with him.

Its hard to ever envision being happy again. My heart aches so much. Thanks for listening everyone. I don't know what I would do without DBing. Its the only thing in life that makes sense. I fake being 'happy' and 'okay' around Ex-P, but inside I am wanting to die.