virtues of DB, like 180's, going dark, etc. These techniques are all manipulative behaviuors designed to extract a changed / positive response in the other person. It is because we care for the other person and seek to change our circumstances through our actions.
... well then, you're doing it wrong!!
Perhaps they are sometimes deliberately presented as a way to manipulate a change in someone elses behaviour - but what they are really about is learning to behave in a more healthy way than we did previously.
Going dark, may present as a way to make your lover miss you ... but what it's really about is giving yourself the space to calm down and be still with yourself. It gives you space to take the focus off your partner and on to yourself. It's a way to Detach from the drama. It's a way to take yourself out of the drama and be able to consider your options with a clear head. It's a way to manage your emotions.
Let's think about 180s? For me, my 180s almost exclusively consisted of releasing control. Control was a big issue for me, I thought I could control/manipulate any situation. I thought it was my right to. It was a survival instinct for me. "If I do this ... he's likely to do that ... ". It was an unhealthy way to live. LIke living your life as though in a chess game, constantly trying to "out-wit" your competitor.
My 180s were all about actively living the belief that my partner had a right to make his own decisions about his life and I had no right to try to manipulate him into doing anything "my" way. At the end of the day I figured I wanted a healthy partner, one who wanted to be with me because he wanted to be with me ... because I am a catch!!!!
What are your 180s? Do you think they are actually about relearning something that you've been "guilty" of - that you probably had to relearn anyway in order to evolve as a man and a human spirit?
