DG,

You are going to drive yourself crazy looking at those records. And you know it.

I bet that your heartrate accelerates before you even look, and depending on what you find it gets worse or stays about the same for a little longer. You are subjecting yourself to unnecessary fight/flight responses because the fear of what he might be doing is overwhelming you.

It is going to drain you and make it harder for you to deal w/ other things. Spent enough time doing it and you are going to find yourself lacking energy for things that are important to you. Please - for your sake - stop making yourself suffer.

M: 32
W: 29
T: 9 Years
M: 4 Years
I hit rock bottom: 2/11
PA admitted: 4/11
WAW: 5/11
D filed: 6/11
now: Patience, wisdom, and growth - hopefully.