You all have very valid points, and in my rational head it does make sense, it's my irrational part that is causing me grief.
I know if I continue to do this, I will never fully be able to let go.
When I do look at the records, I feel anxious with worry over what I might find. When I don't find anything, relief sweeps over me and I think "Oh good, he still loves me.". But if I do see a number I don't recognize my mind automatically starts to wonder who that person could be, and I almost always assume it's a woman.
"Everyone you meet has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack." ¤Formerly DelinquentGurl¤
